‘Stair’ by itself can refer to a staircase, and in this context it does not mean individual stairs. And the tower has as much significance as the swing – just idle things to pepper the setting. I wrote this mostly to try out a new rhyme scheme, so I wasn’t overly concerned with an underlying story. I’m glad you enjoyed the ending, though!
Poetry / beautiful things
i am a lover of beautiful things,
like the tower at dawn
and the old wooden swings;
and the red in your hair
just before you had gone;
and the music at midnight
we heard from the stair;
and the calm, cool breeze
as it swallowed our flight
and the silvery sound as it starts;
and the secrets we traded for keys
to the promise we made in our hearts.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
nicepunkrocker reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
Nice imagery you use in this poem. I love hoe words flow and connect with each line. Very nice!
- add/view comments (0)
AmyWalker reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Okay I’ll be short, sweet and to the point, honestly I think it’s great but theres only one part I still didn’t quite get it was abit of a tongue twister for me honesttly which was this part here in the beginning “i am a lover of beautiful things,
like the tower at dawn
and the old the wooden swings”
Otherwise the overall poem was great.
Keep up the good work
Amy
youngjed reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I loved this. It has simplicity and evokes sparsely but beautifully. Its a very common story this but you have captured the beauty of it. My only quiblle, the last line is just a little overly romantic for my taste
AngelRain reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
Wondering if stair would not be more gramatically correct as stairs. Did not understand the reference to the tower at dawn, maybe you need to revisit this. The poem was consistent and the ending was nothing short of amazing.
kivawiva reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
I think the message of this is very sweet. The rhyme scheme is nice…I think you have an extra word in the third line, which throws it off. Just enough detail to paint a picture, but not overly wordy. Nice.
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
2 Reviews 1 Comment
Version 3
Latest Activity: 6 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 4 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
