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I am the blade hewn from steel.
The fiery furnace of the blacksmiths forge:
that was your hate and brutality.
Into the heart of the flame I was plunged;
had I been made of lesser stuff,
out of the forge I would be so much dust.
But, I am steel.
Every blow, like the hammer blow upon the anvil,
made me straighter made me stronger.
Into the heat again and again-
as sure as the sunrise, burning away impurity.
Though lacking his purpose, you surely served the same end
as the blacksmith, architect of steel.
Though forgiveness not following,
my thanks must be extended to you.
None are my equal.
Not sharper, not stronger, none are more sure or true.
You made me that
Though not intended,
I am unbreakable
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“I am unbreakable” It is this confidence that completes the poem. Knocked down, erected stronger, we all should hold this mentality. Thank you.
Hi this was a very interesting read and I found it to be very invigorating to read as a piece of modern poetry.
I would realy enjoy raeding more of your work in the near coming future.
Instead of writing ”...out of the forge would I have been…” you should write “I would have been” so it does not seem like a question.
“though lacking his purpose, you surely met the same end
as the blacksmith, architect of steel” I did not like these two lines. The metaphor is obvious enough that I feel stating it so blatantly is unnecessary.
Overall, this poem is an effective metaphor, although I cannot say that it is an original one. You do a good job of disseminating a message.
Overall it was a great piece of work although i would have worded it differently.
Powerful content. I do believe it is well written and i think that the metaphors that you have used really do the poem justice. I would never have related child abuse to a blacksmith and the fire that he uses for his work. It is a great way of reflecting on the subject without being too ‘real’ in a sense of describing what the abuser actually did (eg: brutal bashing descriptions etc)it makes it a little easier to read that way, although the subject matter is still very real it kinda ‘characterises’ it. (Hope you understand what i am trying to say! Can’t find the exact words i am looking for.Lines 4,5 & 6 threw me a little though. I got a little confused with the “was i plunged, had i been made of lesser stuff” should it have read “I was plunged” and then begin the next sentence with a capital to accentuate the pause i felt was needed and then go on to say: ‘Had i been made of lesser stuff out of the forge, would i have been so much as only dust’ Does that make sense or read better to you??
My only suggestions/changes but it is yours if you feel it neccessary to keep it the way it is do not change it.
A very good read – Thank you, Rachel
To begin with eliminate that title. Okay my fault I jumped the gun. But still I curse you for taking the mystery and joy from me as your reader by having that anywhere on this page.
Now after having completed the poem there are certain cliches you can do away with. Also this poem is overweight. Even poetry, defiantly poetry, requires efficency. For example what would happen if you took out the third and seventh line out of the first stanza?
All this aside the poem fills me with courage and strenght and williness to stand up against anything.
I really liked this. It almost made me cry though it started off a bit confusing… Other than that you have written this perfect in every way. I really like the feeling in this poem, it’s intense.
I absolutely loved this poem!! I happen to be more familiar with the subject than most people. It was the incredible passion and confidence that bellow from this piece which makes it so special. You are a most talented and special person!
I like it, and I can relate to the subject matter… I’d definitely say coming through hard times like that is like metal being tempered by a fire.
I’d lose the ‘And’ that occurs twice in the first paragraph, esp. the one that starts the poem. Other than that, I’d say send this puppy out and get you some recognition.
Your piece has real potential, but in order for it to reach art (or something to be published), I’d suggest you remove as many specifics about abuse and focus solely on the metaphor. If you want it to be published, then it needs to have a life outside of your experience. Speaking as one with similar abuse experiences in his past, I’ve learned that using pain as viable creative expression is really only the first step of many.
For themes, you have an imposing blacksmith figure, a forge, and the act of molding and pounding steel into an “unbreakable” blade. The violence is inherent in the action, so should you decide to revise this poem, I believe your focus is there.
Best of luck,
Byron
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