Poetry / Barbarous Reflections (Analysis)
I take a step away from myself
To contemplate the mess before me
The edges of my heart have become serrated
That which persists will openly bleed
I am fully glutting my vengeance
I will hurt no more
Rage has festered in all corners of my mind
I thrust the glass angel onto the floor
Heavenly guidance is mere coincidence
No beings are here to help me prevail
Those who place closure around me
Suffocate my motives to never fail
A halo worn upon the heads of a few
Marks artificial hope in my eyes
Emblems of glass encourage faith?
Believe in one who ignores my cries?
Crush the shards that sprinkle the floor
This glass angel has led me astray
Step upon the broken pieces slowly
Interesting how pain melts troubled thoughts away
Walking down the hallway to her room
Leaving a single trail of crimson steps
Her door has always been closed since that day
The day that marks her death
Quietly the door is pushed ajar
Shrieks accompany the voice telling me to flee
Flashes of her face burn black and white
The impact brings me to my knees
Her bed is as it was before she left
Her clothes occupy their usual place
Untouched are her other belongings
Locked in this eternal safe
Day turns to night and still I wait
For this figure who comforts my pain
Cloaked in ebony, staff in hand
Emerges the cancer who has slain
Seize the serpent that encircles my heart
Bore a hole into the skin
I will fight her silent killer tonight
Destiny pleads for me to win
Contorted images engulf my perception
Unable to distinguish fallacy from truth
Transfixed on a woman prepared to avenge
Release hatred associated with youth
She walks forth, gallant and true
Refusing to surrender and die
Aware of the consequences she will face
If she fails to try
Wounded and scarred, she stands her ground
Though she openly bleeds
She shows no sensation of pain at all
Victory is all she needs
Eyes concentrating on her enemy
Light flashes as she draws the blade
Her competition encircles her menacingly
But she refuses to turn away
The hunted becomes the hunter
She will not cease until he is dead
She is quick as she is light
His body as heavy as lead
Cautioning winds reveal her face
From behind a mass of brunette waves
Sword drawn, eager to attack
Her opponent, momentarily dazed
Flames erupt as Hell breaks through
Scorching all within its path
She is the final soldier at large
He, the object of her wrath
Hatred fuels the fire’s light
Her eyes, dark and prepared
She advances toward her prey instantly
Unable to be scared
Quick reflection and movement streams red
Hysteria ensures an accurate strike
He will bleed as she has done
At his mercy her entire life
For all he has taken from her soul
Watching his sickness murder family
Slowly waiting and building strength
To return unexpectedly
She stands rigid as blood pools the ground
He stumbles and claws at the air
She knows better than to think him as dead
He always strikes the unaware
Green earth transforms to blackened dust
Shadows fall upon the sky
She is waiting patiently
For this demon to finally die
He coughs and sputters for a moment
Before he falls to the ground
Painfully twitching as his life slips away
Emitting a moan of grotesque sound
She tenses her muscles as she releases the sword
Clanging to silence at her feet
For all the loved ones taken in agony
This very demon they were unable to beat
Now before her, he lies dying
She does not feel as she thought she would
Her loved ones are no longer here
She would bring them back if she could
His eyes meet hers with the last breath
Contorted, his face manages a smirk
He dies before her and in her lifetime she knows
In the darkness, he will always lurk
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Very good use of descriptive words. It’s very good. The only thing I would change is to separate the whole thing into paragraphs, for instant:
I will hurt no more
Rage has festered in all corners of my mind
I would put a space between these two lines and between these two:
A halo worn upon the heads of a few
Marks artificial hope in my eyes
And so on, it seems to me it would be easier to read. Good Luck!
CAT
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i think honestly if i read this in a book i would read a few lines an skip it
it needs more depth
faster
i am no craft expert i could not comment on that
keep it up
flows very well…very dark through out the whole poem but i like that little bit of hope and joy at the end to lessen the darkness.
Very interesting imagery, metaphors, and simile: ”Day turns to night and still I wait For this figure who comforts my pain Cloaked in ebony, staff in hand
Emerges the cancer who has slain Seize the serpent that encircles my heart
Bore a hole into the skin.”
I believe you are talking about cancer and your battle with it and the loved ones it has taken from you. ”He dies before her and in her lifetime she knows In the darkness, he will always lurk.”
I think you did a good job of showing how cancer consumes not only your body, but your emotions and your heart.
Hysteria ensures an accurate strike!
This is poetry of the highest order! I am very delighted to have stumbled upon this little peice of brilliance!
The ryhming is consistent as is the plot which conjures visions of old. Visions most dear to my heart!
Thank you for such a wonderful entry! You certainly have a vast career ahead of you in this field if that is what you desure.
very angry… very sad… very touching…
fighting the beast that we have all come to know… very good…
you writing has a nice rhythm to it…
very descriptive… very internal…
the stalker – really the stalked…
i like this piece a lot…
keep writing!
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