Poetry / Ashes To Ashes (Analysis)

good poem.  abstract.  Got me back in the lab.  

Wow, It was mind boggling and you the author or artist or whatever you are trying to portray is amazing. Its almmost like you are painting with your words, like you have no paint. This poem definently made me think a lot about writing and art in general and how words can mean so many different things in so many different types of context. I think you can really expand on this poemand the ideas you are trying to convey within it. ALso I am not sure but when I read this poem aloud something about the scheme seemed off it may be because of the  different number of lines in both stanzas or because only the last two lines rhyme. Again awesome peice I loved it

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May 24, 2008

by AmyWalker

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22	F	Saint Helena	December 02

Awesome, thanks alot for your feedback and I’m glad you loved it.

Cheers,

Amy

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I loved the closing line. I feel almost a rejuvinated feeling when I’m done reading it. Good job.

:)

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May 10, 2008

by AmyWalker

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22	F	Saint Helena	December 02

Awesome I’m really glad you felt something from this piece and I’m glad you liked it :)

Cheers,

Amy

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Wow!!!! This is the work of a master! ” ...your dreams into smoke, and your ashes into bones.”!
This is the kind of creativity that I long for!
Job well done!

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June 03, 2008

by AmyWalker

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22	F	Saint Helena	December 02

Thank you so much, it just came from the top of my head to be honest I was sitting at the computer and all these words came rushing through my mind in an instant so I took advantage of that moment and this is my souvenir
of what I was thinking about at that precise moment pretty cool huh

Thanks for your review much appreciated =)

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L1 and L2 – Excellent verse, expressive and lyrical

L3 – I’d replace ‘smudge’ with ‘brush’ or something that gives the impression of tool use. Smudge made me thing of finger painting while the first two lines made me thing of brush strokes.

L4 – ‘smother’ is too similar to ‘smudge’ and breaks the rythym. I’d look for a different sounding word.. perhaps ‘blind’ or ‘deaden’

L7 to L9 – you return to beautiful verse here again. I’d look closely at L3 to L6 and try to capture that same sense of polish.

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May 07, 2008

by AmyWalker

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22	F	Saint Helena	December 02

Thanks alot sweet I’m glad you’re getting the concept of it all, it’s abit too abstract for most but that’s who I am as in writing I can’t write something simple without something hesitantly complicated\far-fetched hahahaha it’s just who I am and I luurve it.

But thanks for your suggestions and review I hope to return the favour for you soon.

Cheers,

Amy

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i like it alot its beautiful

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June 03, 2008

by AmyWalker

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22	F	Saint Helena	December 02

Thank you it’s always good to hear that your work is appreciated by those who enjoy reading your work.

So thanks alot for your review much appreciated

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I was enjoying this up to the first two lines of he second stanza. They feel as though they are a part of the last lines of the first stanza but by separating them the flow is lost.
The metaphor and imagery is good but, for me at least, let down by the interruption. Sorry.

I really like the use of some of your words. For me, using words such as “black” and “smoke” and “ashes” in poetry is moving, almost strong in a sense. It makes me think about sitting up in a loft overlooking the city, down at the people who are no more than a speck of color moving every which way. Almost as if I am sitting still while the entire world moves around me. Good job!

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June 03, 2008

by AmyWalker

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Wow thanks alot, sorry for the late reply but I’m glad it had some sort of positive affect on you. and I’m glad you liked it as well. Thank you for your review

Amy

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i definetly could feel this poem, almost reminds me of the times when i can’t get my creative energy out onto canvas but i desperatly need that release. dreams into smoke and ashes into bones… taking something intangible and turning into something tangible..like turning your imaginationinto reality…i like it…

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June 03, 2008

by AmyWalker

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22	F	Saint Helena	December 02

Yes! So do I. I love the idea of turning imgination into reality it’s all so fascinating, a sense of subtle excitement like how a child would jump up and down over a lollipop or a popsicle you know.

Thank you for your review, I’m glad you like it.

Amy

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Your word choice in line four made me stumble. “smother” with eyes was confusing and I had to stop and re-read it. Also the soft sound of “smother” wasn’t an easy match with the hard sounds (and images) of “duct tape”. I’d like to have heard more, too. Short can be blunt, but it can also be just short. Don’t stop, keep going.