Poetry / Finus (Analysis)

a short but sweet piece. an ode to a friend plain and simple. nice words, but it doesn’t tell you much about the real finus.

You should attempt to avoid Cliche whenever
possible.  I think you should be more original in
certain areas,  ”A twinkle in his eyes”
Try describing this in your own way,
this phrase is overused.

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June 23, 2008

by wise2owls

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
79	73.5% (102 votes)	8.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
56	F	United States	August 26

This is my first attempt at poetry in decades, I`ll try and keep your comments about cliches in mind.  My sister can`t stand them either.

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he must be a very good friend if he inspired you to write about him.  

I think you’ve done a good job describing your friend.  I like that you aren’t afraid to end the poem so abruptly.

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June 20, 2008

by wise2owls

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
79	73.5% (102 votes)	8.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
56	F	United States	August 26

Thank you, I don`t know him that well, he is my daughter`s age.

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Tell me more. I know this says alot but i’ll bet you have more in you. I like what i have seen but it could be longer and more descriptive. THANKS SANDI

I think it’s cute but i don’t think that i got a good picture of him. If you really know him, you should be able to describe him fuller. What does he look like? How much does he love anime? Don’t tell, show. Show with your words. That’s the best writing advice i ever recieved. <3 ames plaza.

I like this, but it feels like just a beginning. I really want to know more, perhaps you could ponder upon your friend and come up with a few more verses so that we might see a picture of them and their traits with crisp clarity. Thanks for writing this. I really appreciate your idea with this poem.

~Melissa

This is really good i like it. it’s a description of that person. You did really good.

It’s strange reading a poem about someone you don’t know. It’s just a small piece of them. I find it really hard to write about a person. Because there is so much to write. I really like your poem. It’s simple and it still says a lot.

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June 13, 2008

by wise2owls

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
79	73.5% (102 votes)	8.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
56	F	United States	August 26

Thank you.

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I think that you could be a lot more descriptive about this person.  As of now, I feel like you could be talking about my neighbor, my little brother, the guy who works at the corner store, that kid in my high school math class etc.  Himself doesn’t seem to unique to me.

You start to hit on it when you say he has a love for cars and anime.  What else about your friend should I know?  THe rest of your poem could literally be about almost anyone.  

So, yeah, be more specific with this one.

Good Luck