Poetry / More Than Dust

very interesting perspective of something we as a race take for granted way too much. this is a very enjoyable read, very comprehensive and easy to understand. i love your originality of thought, its inspiring me to think about a new movement i may take in my writing. run with this and don’t look back buddy!

The second to last stanza kind of doesn’t fit in with the rest, but for me at least it shows your connection to your cremated mother, so my advice is to keep it. It works well enough. Other than that I enjoyed the poem because it did shed a new light on cremation for me.

I actually really enjoyed this piece. A bit on the morbid side but held true to reality and human emotion. The second to the last stanza seems a little bitter sweet to me though as far as keeping it in, it doesnt seemt to fit in the poem but it definatly brings something to the table. Just play with it a little.

I want to just fall into it, but i fee like it over steps with it’s imagery.  I honestly had a hard time deciding exactly what the poem was saying. I could be wrong but i felt like the poem was trying to explain the cycle of life and how after death we give to nature to rebuild.  

wow…i think i want to be cremated when is my time…beautifully executed.

What a tribute. It brings joy to a life that is really still here, just in a disguise. Thanks~

Startling imagery. The idea that we in one way or another ingest the death of each other. People accidently swallow sea water, or children get sand in their mouth. It makes me think of a time in my life when the crematorium next to an old work place was raining ash on my car. Which is the point of good poetry. To make us re-live our own memories and delve deeper into our minds and perception. Kudos.

Very well written.

I really like the joke of your first line! (Though I think the word might be “obviates”).

I’m wondering whether the last two lines are really central to the poem’s structure—they seem a little tidy, a little too pat and Disneyfied. The two previous lines seem so much stronger.

I love “flung into a jug”—great sounds there. “Juicy orbs,” on the other hand, sounds a little purple.

Thanks for letting me read it!

beautiful piece. I particularly loved the sea reference. “the queen of sunshine rays and trembling sea” good stuff.. Makes me want to get cremated.. forget coffins. I want adventures as well.