Poetry / Untitled Uncertainty (Analysis)

I really like the idea of this poem but it was lacking something…I can’t think of exactly what it needs but there is something more that could be added. Also, I thought that the images that you were showing us in the poem didn’t flow together well…or as well as they need to flow…but other than those two things I think that you have a pretty good poem over all…

this reads like lots of angst ridden poetry, and goes in the same direction, nowhere.  the last two lines have good imagery, i say scrap everything but that and start fresh.   describe how you got from hell to a sparrow, cause this reads like you wrote down things that sound “cool”.

Allot said in a few words.  Life is just that way…full of lessons and yet you are still blessed in some sort of small way…as the bird still calls. Excellent work and smooth flow in this piece.  Could be a short story here…and lessons for others in the adventure of love and lost, if you worked at it.  Thanks for sharing.

Untitled Uncertainty.

I have to say, I was truly uncertain about this and not in a bad way.  Even though it might look that.

I liked the line ” What the hell am I doing? ”  Because I feel like that all the time, all through my life and the decision that I have made and I say to myself the the same thing.

Your poem hit a spot in my soul, because I do not know what I am doing. I am walking aimlessly through my life, even though i feel I know what I am doing.  My heart beats and its not my own, sometimes I wonder if I’m catching a breath right.

But I digress, this not about me.  Thank you for what you have written.  It has touch my soul and its right on point.  Keep writing, this was very well written and to the point.

Untitled and Uncertain?  I don’t think so, you have were certain about what you wrote about.

Continued Success.

too much criteria!!!! holy bejole!!!
I know of no poetry publishers who approach people, so i am always confused by that criteria…

great poem, the ending lingers, which is good, you havent resolved anything…
only one line i would change “As I am seemingly walking aimlessly
Through life.” only because it is so literal, but the rest of the poem, figurative…i think it detracts from the overall effect of the piece, sounds trite. can you think of a good metaphor to replace it?

I love this piece! Only one thing, “As I am seemingly walking aimlessly
Through life.” Is a fragment and should be re-written. Otherwise, this is wonderful.

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May 06, 2008

by william_roger_riley

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touche buddy, my original intent was for it to be an end to the opening sentence beginning with “Some days…” but i forgot the comma after the quotated thought… damned commas, they also cost me a perfect final in my freshman comp class in college… lol

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Nice and mysterious, especially like the sparrow reference.

When I first looked at this piece and saw how short it was I had my doubts, but it is actually a good piece. It stands on it’s own very well and expresses a lost emotion that I think most people can relate to at one point or another in their life. I don’t know if I would make this poem the star of all of your works, it’s strong but I can tell that you have a lot of talent and more to say. So give yourself a pat on the back for a good piece, but definatly move forward and keep writing…I think this piece is pretty much graduated.