Poetry / Drye Eyes (Analysis)

Walking In The Same Circle
Over And Over
Seeing The Same Colors Ignore Me
As They Walk By Me
With Confident Smiles
Ready To Eat My Soul Alive.

I Try My Best To Stay Awake
Watch The Reality Come Towards Me,
Dont Worry About Me
I Can Take Care Of Myself, I Said
Yet My Angel Gives Me Survival Knowledge
Having Already Met My Ignorant Words.

I Have A Saved Spot For Me
In The Land Of The Sea Creatures,
Hoping My Dry Eyes Dont Infect The Sea
I Try My Best Here.

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Reviews

August 21, 2008

M_Bevis

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	63.6% (11 votes)	100.0%

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37	M	New Orleans, LA	August 23

M_Bevis reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

You have a very direct, forceful style, and I really appreciate that quite a bit. I think that this piece could stand to be expanded a bit. Either that, or it just left me wanting more. There are some overall confusions about what it all means, but these are not serious questions in the big picture.

You definitely have caught my attention; this is one of the more interesting pieces I’ve seen here on Urbis.

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

May 12, 2008

nails29

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118	73.7% (19 votes)	16.0%

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32	M	Evanston, IL	August 10

nails29 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

who’s walking by you, where did the angel come from, why are you going to live underwater? this poem is one drastic leap from one image to the next. and the images are vague. here’s a question, what would the land of the sea creatures be like. i personally would be freaked out. there are sharks, whales, squids, stupid puffer fish. maybe you see it differently, but i wouldn’t know that.

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May 15, 2008

by dark_ink

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

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Thank You For Taking Time And Interest In My Poem. I Believe My Poems Are Like Songs, They Could Mean A Certain Thing To The Writer But It Could Mean A Total Different Thing To The Listener.

The Actual Idea Behind This Poem Has To Do With My Best Friend (The Angel, Shes A Real Person I Just Happen To Believe She’s My Angel).

The First Stanza Has To Do With How I Feel When Shes Not Around.

The Second Stanza Is An Actual Conversation I Had With My Best Friend, Wich Connects With The Low Self Steem Frome The First Stanza. Well I Ment For Them To Connect.

The Third Stanza Is My Best Friend’s Response. She Told Me That If I Couldnt Make It In This Society She Had A Spot Saved For Me In The Land Of The Sea Creatures.

I Hope This Explained Atleast Most Of It.

May 15, 2008

by nails29

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118	73.7% (19 votes)	16.0%

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32	M	Evanston, IL	August 10

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dude, you use all capital letters and i don’t use any. that’s pretty funny. no need to explain your poem.

May 15, 2008

by dark_ink

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

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That Is Funny Hahahaha

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May 12, 2008

authorkat

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
20	73.3% (15 votes)	47.4%

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49	F	Laurel, MD	May 28

authorkat reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Nice poem and smooth flow…that is …until I got down to the last two lines…they sort of threw me off.. ”Hoping My Dry Eyes Dont Infect The Sea
I Try My Best Here.” Not quite understanding how it all ties in to the previous lines… Maybe you should add something more…like ” I try my best to make the colors notice me, knowing that I am protected.” I enjoyed the flow of poetic notes. Thanks for sharing.

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

May 12, 2008

matty_j

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6	70.0% (20 votes)	-3.4%

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29	M	Dallas, TX	August 12

matty_j reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

i liked this piece. the visual style with all the capitalization was different. i liked it. were you trying to emphasize that every word was important? anyway, it was an interesting choice…

overall the work was good. a little dark, but that’s what i tend to gravitate to. i liked it.

keep it up!

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

May 11, 2008

neophytepoetess

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83	64.5% (31 votes)	53.4%

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41	F	United States	November 10

neophytepoetess reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

While I think this has great potential, I was left confused.
You have some wonderfully vivid lines and then you hit me with poor grammar or a nonsensical sentence. Remember that I (the reader) want to EXPERIENCE your poem not be told about it.

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

May 10, 2008

MichelleAusman

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45	84.2% (19 votes)	100.0%

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18	F	New Orleans, LA	September 15

MichelleAusman reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I’m crying. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m listening to ambient music right now, but this was absolutely beautifulllll. For some reason, I feel related to this.

Loved it :)

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

May 07, 2008

BigMama

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0	100.0% (14 votes)	100.0%

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34	F	Bethlehem, PA	November 02

BigMama reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I don’t know what your getting at with this.

That first part of your poem hits me, because I definitely walk around in the circles and, over and over.

I’m thinking that the ” same colors ignore me ” your talking about people that pass you by smiling at you.

Are they being fake?

I think I’m reading too much into this poem, but I did like it very much. Keep writing.

Continued Success.

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

May 07, 2008

doktorsarcasm

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14	61.8% (34 votes)	5.3%

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15	M	Hewitt, NJ	July 18

doktorsarcasm reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This poem has a dreamlike sort of quality, not unlike the lyrics of the band Armor for Sleep. Keep it up!

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

May 07, 2008

JamesWoe

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42	68.2% (22 votes)	15.8%

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37	M	Lancaster, PA	September 22

JamesWoe reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

the capitalization is really annoying!!!! i was looking for an acronym or something.

this is fluffy…the land of sea creatures…sea monkeys, starfish, little princesses, friendly octopi, ...what are you trying to convey here? i am lost.
if youre writing for nine year old girls, thats different.

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May 13, 2008

by dark_ink

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

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Well First Of All Thank You For Commenting. Secondly Im Sorry For The Annoying Capitalization. I Tend To Do This Because Im Not A Good Type Writer. Well For The Poem Itself I Can Tell You It Has More Meanning To Me So Your Response To My Poem Doesn’t Surprise Me.

May 14, 2008

by JamesWoe

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42	68.2% (22 votes)	15.8%

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37	M	Lancaster, PA	September 22

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right on…sorry if i was harsh. keep writing ink man.

August 23, 2008

by dark_ink

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0	42.9% (14 votes)	100.0%

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21	M	Chicago, IL	August 24

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No Need For An Apology… Everyone Has A Different Point Of View… I Know Some People Are Going To Like And Relate To My Words And Thoughts And Others Wont… I Still Smile… I Thank You For Taking Your Time To Comment On My Poem…

Peace Love And Harmony

Jah Bless

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