Poetry / Early March in Southern NY (Analysis)

this poem is pretty solid. the more i read it the better it gets.
the tone is very light and airy and the mood if very quiet. i think the mood and tone are emphasided by the word choices and imagery. “aimless”, “drifting”, “breath”, smoke” “fingertips not touching”

this could be cleaned up a bit:

• i found S1L4 confusing. what found them aimless, the date or 2 a.m. and the snow?


• how is primal instinct forgotten? instinct isn’t lucid thought. were they so bored with eachother that that primal instinct didn’t apply or wasn’t activated? i may be nitpicking here, but i think the idea could be communicated better.

Beautiful.  I loved this piece, you put me in that place and in my mind in a place so similar, the unspoken understanding, walking down dark, snow swept streets.  Memories flashing because of your words.

What really makes it for me is the pacing, the phrasing, it moves just like ambling down the street in no hurry, but moving, moving.

i read u poem and it was very touchingto me. i liked it

this is a really beautiful poem and after reading it several times to let it all sink in i have to tell you, it gave me a chill. you convey the scene between these two people with well chosen words which, for me, evoked strong emotions. the only part that lost me was the bit about jars of olives and three empty rooms…and i’m still lost.

this part was my favorite:

“they forgot even words
fingertips not touching,
eyes lifted and far away
breath melding
with his cigarette smoke

while tufts of cold settled
on the ground all around them,
so many tiny bits
of nothingness”.