Non-fiction / There is a gun in my locker!
“Here take this” Tone said.I think, “fuck this is it, this is big. He really trusts me now.” He shoves the wadded up shirt in hands. I could feel it, hard, cold, through the rolls of fabric. I knew what it was. I knew I shouldn’t take it. But I craved his attention and affection, so I did. I wanted to belong to his little group, his gang or posse if you will. I wantged to feel accepted by them, like I was one of them.
I took the bundle. “Where the hell am I supposed to put it.” “just put it somewhere no one will find it but not in your house cause they know your my girl, and they can look there.” He was whispering by now like he was afraid some one was gonna hear him over the video games. Wait his girl. He called me his girl. I guess that means I am one of them, I do belong with them. I am a part of this now. I have to hide this for him and put it in a place that it won’t be found or else they will all be in trouble and it will be my fualt. They are trusting me with somewthing huge. I better not fuck up
I shoved the rolled up shirt in my backpack. He kissed me, and then turned around and split for the door. Just like that he was gone. I found myself standing there in the middle of the Game Room with a heavy backpack and no where to go with it. I head over to the back of the Gameroom to where the pay phone was. Who am I gonna call though, if I call Judy or DAD I will have to go home. They are not gonna come get me and fuck, it’s raining. I hate walking through the woods to get home in the rain. So I called Anita. Anita is one of my friends moms, but she thinks she is our friend too. She awlays comes running when we call. I feel bad some times cause we only call her to give us rides places or to buy us booze. I sat down and waited.
The rain was only a light drizzle now, I probably would have gotten home if I walked just fine and mostly dry. But fuck it, She was already on her way and I didn’t want to go home anyway. I hated it in that house. She asked me where I needed to go. I told her I wanted to hang with her and go see her daughter Mellissa. We were on our way, off to South Windsor.
Laura, Mellissa’s sister and Mellissa were both there. We popped a couple wine coolers and hung out in the bedroom with Dan, Lauras much older boyfriend. I always thought it was cool that Anita would let her 13 yearolds boyfriend live in the house with them. But what the did I know I was only 15 myself. We all got pretty drunk. I fell asleep watching some stupid ass movie on the USA channel.
I got up around 7 the next morning. Anita was asleep on the couch, I had a killer headache. Gee I wonder why, with all those damn wine coolers. I don’t even like wine coolers they are so damn fruity. But no one else likes tequilla. So I end up drinking what ever I can get my hands on. I grab my bag and walk to the bathroom. I go to dump out my bag on the sink looking for a brush, when I remember about what is in it. Shit I slam the bathroom door. What the fuck am I gonna do with this thing. Mellissa knoked on the door. ” Heather, what are you doin’? I gotta make an apperance in my first two classes, you comin’?” she said. Uhh what do I say, what am I gonna do all day here at her house while she is in school. The same thing I always do when I go to Mellissa’s on a school day. “Yeah, I said, I’ll just hang at Andy’s place til your done.”
Anita pulled up to the school and let us out. We headed straight for her locker. Deanie was already there. She was so already bitching that we were late . Mellissa grabbed her book and said she would she me later. I said cool, the bell rang, the halls cleared. I was standing there next t Deanie’s locker. She never used her lock. Just kind of half closed it. I went to the bathroom down the hall. I pushed the door open and went in to the first stall. I sat down, open the bag and pulled out the heavy, tightly wound up shirt. I hung my back pack on the back of the stall door.
I open the bathroom door , looked down the hall. My heart was racing, I thought I was gonna puke. Fuck it. I ran down the hall to Deanie’s locker. I pulled open the door and shoved the shirt into the locker, and slammed the door. I tried to walk calmly back to the bathroom to retrieve my bag. I felt like I was tripping on my own feet the whole way there.. I get my bag and head for the main doors.
Andy’s house was right behind the school. I got there in about 3 minutes. I didn’t have to knock, I walked in and went staight to his room. It was kinda cold, so I kicked my shoes off and crawled in bed next to him. I think I was asleep for about and hour when I woke up to Andy rolling a joint at the end of the bed. “Wake & Bake kid” he said. ” I love this guy” I thought.
We smoked the joint and grabbed a 2 liter fron the kitchen, went to the living room and turned on the T.V.. We didn’t even get through about half of some random lifetime movie that we were to stoned to change before Deanie came through the door. Boy she looked fucking pissed. “What the fuck, Heather” She was screaming. I come out of class and my locker is locked. Shit I forgot she doesn’t close it all the way. I can’t get my books for third period. She sits on the couch and grabs the roach Andy and I Just smoked and lights it. I thought She had found my little package and was pissed about that. No she didn’t know the combination to the locker so she couldn’t get into it. She still doesn’t know! She was rambling on about having to get someone from the office to open her locker after lunch.
FUCK. I have to tell her. I search my brain for a lilttle bit of tactfulness. But who am I kiddin’ I am high and about to tell one of my best friends that I just stashed a gun in her locker. There was no tact as I blurted out “Deanie, don’t have them open the locker I put Tone’s gun in there.” Andy looked up and said “what the fuck did you just say” Mellissa just looked at me like she didn’t understand what I had said. “There is a gun in my locker” is all she said. Got up and walked out of the house.
I don’t know what happened to the gun, and Deanie still does not return my calls to this day.
It is wierd how I lost a true friend over a man and my needing to try to keep him safe and out of trouble at whatever cost to me. Is it really that or did I just want to fit in with his crowd. Did I want to be accepted by the people that sold drugs and performed beatdowns on people for sport. This is what I thought was cool and this is what I wanted to be a part of??? Or was it just me trying to get Tone’s attentions and affections. I still am not sure why? All I know is I never got hang with Deanie again and she was my GIRL. We were thick. I FUCKED UP!!!
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Great idea to put it all together for an autobiographical work. Share your experience with others. It might be a great message piece for youth and peer pressure.
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