Yeah, comfronted was a typo. But you figured it out, right? I would correct it, but I wouldn’t want to break up my list of comments.
Humor/Satire / Why I don't have a girlfriend.
It seems that no matter what I do,
no matter how hard I try,
I’ll never be good enough.
You claim that
I can’t ASK you for a kiss;
I need to grab you,
sweep you off of your feet
and just plant one on you.
Is that so? Okay.
When I grab you,
sweep you off of your feet,
and kiss you
I don’t want to hear ANY complaining.
NONE. Because that’s what you told me to do.
Awful sounding?
Yes, it is.
Now you know how I feel
when you tell me to do that.
It’s not something I want to do.
Nor am I even capable of doing it,
for I am far too meek.
Women tell me to be myself.
And I do.
If that was all it took,
I wouldn’t be writing this.
Some say I need to lower my standards.
I asked a homeless woman out once,
she said, “Never.”
Maybe it’s not MY standards
that need to be lowered.
I think they meant lower my standards to the
wooden legged
false teeth
21 kids
variety of women.
I’ve been single this long,
why should I settle for that now?
Maybe a mail order bride would be the answer.
At least there’d be no false pretenses.
But there wouldn’t be love,
which is the only standard I’ve ever had,
so far.
That, and sanity.
Women who flirt without meaning it
do not know the anguish they cause me.
It is the worst thing they could do
to a delicate man.
So I give them a taste of their own medicine.
Not so cool
when it’s done to you,
is it?
I’ve got news for the
teasers
gold diggers
and basic trouble makers out there.
I could never love you
unconditionally.
You’re not a safe haven for me.
I don’t like you enough
to grow old with you.
I would have moved the Earth for you,
but you’d rather laugh at me
ignore me
treat me like dirt.
When comfronted with the choice
of either being with you
or being alone,
I choose to be
alone.
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trav8434 reviewed Version 2 -
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As a matter of course, i avoid poetry like churches. I’m not very good at reviewing poetry. Maybe this belongs in the poetry section…?
I always like the idea of throwing the pretentious emotional insecurities of any given women back in her face. We’ve all seen it, and this writing serves to voice the confusion that necessarily surfaces in these types of situations.
Beyond that, you don’t really say much. Why do people recommend lower standards? Looks, personality, financial situation? Maybe choose a few of these reasons and take issue with them with a logical argument.
Given what you’ve written already, i think you’re more than capable.
Travis
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the_venus_in_isis reviewed Version 2 -
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You can definitely feel the aggravation.
‘Confronted’, not ‘comfronted’.
I would be careful of having this sound like a ‘You don’t like me? Fine, I didn’t like you, first!’ type of thing.
I particularly liked the ‘maybe it’s not MY standards…’ line following asking the homeless woman for a date. Nicely illustrated.
I’d almost say this goes under criticism, because it doesn’t quite fit under humor/satire. Overall, though, it was a nice read and I could definitely get the point of why it was written.
Emilee reviewed Version 2 -
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It’s time a guy stood up for himself against women, we aren’t nice. hurray for you!
skuborssy reviewed Version 2 -
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is this true? you asked a hobo out? hehe. i dont think anyone would turn down a writer like you! i think it is fantastic!
Harold_P reviewed Version 2 -
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Thank you for sharing this work, I am sure all those who are jaded with the process of finding a mate will be able to relate to this, both men and women I should think.
I actually could relate to this, it is a well-expressed way to convey the torture of feeling “left out” and being bashed around the silly game of romance where there are no rules and a person’s emotions are knocked about like a tennis ball. It brought up some pretty ugly memories and whacked home some pretty nasty truths about our lives.
As for the “revenge” element, I worry about this sort of behaviour blowing up in someone’s face. I wonder whether this behaviour is not quite self-destructive and would alienate the person even further, thus limiting his chances of finding a mate.
Often one cannot make it happen for oneself. This is a painfully real piece of work, simply expressed.
Harold
JCProckup reviewed Version 2 -
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I’m not sure how this falls within humor or satire, but I did like it very much. Your voice is clear and, though you claim meekness, very dignified and sure. Not obnoxious, really, but it’s good to read something wherein the speaker takes a stand.
I like this work, and I think it could easily go into a book of poetry. I’m not sure if I’m constructively criticizing. So, watch your commas and sentence fragments – they work well enough in poetry, but be consistent with their usage. Also, the speaker sometimes muses, sometimes speaks to a “you” – perhaps set off the musings with a tab or two?
There’s not much to critique – this is an excellent poem and I love the voice.
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