Poetry / The "L" Word (Analysis)

I am biased against the rhyming thing, but will admit that this had a nice tempo, and good wording. There area  few spots where I think you might benefit from a few changes. L8 is a weak rhyme compared to the previous, L15 is better but chime seems un-descriptive, same with descendent, which is spelled descendant. Overall I like it. Maybe a few word changes and possibly a little grammar for strength and you will have a very good poem. I give it a B.

i thought this was very good and you figure out the word easily. you add detail that is both profound and literal, which is amazing. i gave it an 8 because some seems confusing, but it has potential.

Is this about Lesbianism?  Don’t get me wrong I’m not a total bumpkin, I spend lots free time with the daughters of Sappho.  

Your poem has a nice pacing due to the rhyming.  But I have no idea what you’re taking about.  Don’t take that the wrong way, but it’s taken me years to learn that you must think of the reader as a baby.  He doesn’t know what to think so you have to show him and then tell him. I like the “spoken smoothly like a chime” i can see that.  It looks like a summer day in a backyard with lawn chairs and listless friends, smiling.

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May 18, 2008

by joelville

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
21	100.0% (2 votes)	24.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	M	Minneapolis, MN	October 04

ah ha! okay now I’m tracking.

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Hun, this was good.  The only things I would do to see if it suits, would be break it up into stanza’s or verses.
Something like:
“The “L” Word can be done
Or Can Be Spoken
From The Moon & Sun
Its Never Been Broken

As Time Extends In Awe
Everyone Finds It
Telling Stories Of What They Saw
People Always Tend To Speak It”

just for an example as you seem to have the rhyming and it works out really well four lines every stanza. Though I would try changing a word or two…just to see how it sounds…if it flows better or not.
“The “L” Word Lives On Forever
So Hard & Easy To Speak “

Change So hard & easy to speak to So hard yet easy to speak.  Play around with the words a little and see which way sounds better to you.  Just a suggestion, but well done and keep going.

“The “L” Word” is an amazing bit of poetry.  So simple, so sweet, so super… `The “L” word lives on forever` you say in the poem`s 21st line, true and neat.  You have great potential and caused me to think.  What is the “L” word, does it matter.  It could be anything.  Thank you for your thought provoking poetry.

i admire the structure and meaning of this.you have a grat talent

Love the poem, hate the title and the later reference of it in the poem. You threw a lot of honesty into this poem and feeling, yet the “L” word kills it and the flow. Is there an intentional avoidance of it I am not catching on to?

Your youth shows through. Someday you will look back at this poem and probably re write it. I understand where you’re trying to go, what you’re trying to say, I just don’t feel the creativity. Keep writing tho. I’m just one opinion among many.

This is not bad actually, however young you may be you did a great job, there is no certain age to be a writer or to write for that manner, you because you love it and enjoy it and by the sound of things you do, so all I have to say you did a really good job.

Keep it up and thanks for the read I enjoyed it.

Amy

You might be young, but you have done a well written poem.

It reminds me of myself when I use to write poetry and I like it extremely.

It rhymes, not to wordy and right to the point.  The L word is such a hard word to say, yet it needs to be said.

And I have to say it, I LOVE this poem.

Keep writing and thanks for your submission.

Continued Success.