Poetry / Jax (Analysis)

Hi!  I really enjoyed this work.  As far as matters of the heart go, the webs spun from strings strung deep in the soul, the pull between friendships and lovers, gravity and space, something that once tasted, things never will be the same again.  Your poem made me remember my own drama in love when younger, when I was driven by my passions.  It is a great, well felt, poem.  

The only snag I saw was the line,

“But stories all tend to end
and it wasnt long before you pulled my friend”

I believe I know what you mean, but it is a bit confusing and the reader, led along your journey of the heart, is anxious to understand.  I will also add that I do not think you should worry so much about rhyming, bending words to fit, it can box you up, it can be very freeing and strong to just write prose sometimes.  That’s all I can think to say.  Thanks for the great read!

-cm

I liked the rhythm and most of the rhyming words.  There are misspelled words like: leting, should be letting. And wernt, should be weren’t, wasnt: wasn’t, etc. Also June and July should be Capitalized. Just needs a little polishing!  

CAT

this is a good poem, i don’t understand what the title has to do with it however. i love the beginning, talking about the good summer and being together and all of that. then i think where you say “and it wasn’t long before you pulled my friend”. i understand its a bad thing that they pulled, i just don’t really understand what you mean by pull. and since i didn’t really understand that line, the line about crying about it seemed like an, all of a sudden, line. a few other lines as well, “i was working out way too slow” and “rash decision, I’d jump the gun”. those two i kind of don’t understand. but overall, its a nice, sweet poem. :)

• add/view comments (1)

June 09, 2008

by Sunday

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
15	20.0% (5 votes)	52.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29			August 05

Ah right so basically.

The title is what it is a name

“Pulled” or “Pulling” is English slang for french kiss.

Rest make sense now?

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

I enjoyed reading this it has a nice flow, and the subject is bittersweet and a good read. Some of the structure is off, and you are missing some punctuation, but otherwise I thought it was well written.

“and it wasnt long before you pulled my friend”
I’m not sure what this line means. Pulled away maybe?

You seem very in control of what you want to say with this piece, and I think it came across very nicely. I think this is good, you have a good sense of poetry and it’s purpose and I think you are off to a good start.

There is a lot I like about this poem, but I want more! You don’t seem to be pushed by the end rhyme but try it without just to FEEL something different. I feel like you are masking this and I want the raw, unedited version.

Nice start.

Wow, this is great!
Right from the beginning you had my full attention.
You’re a great story teller.

I like the way it tells the story without being overly wordy or too vague.
It’s very clean and honest and flows without feeling forced.
I think there are bits that could be matured though, like
You were dating my good friend
Granted maybe nothing else rhymed, but I think it would sound better if it sounded like more like you were in your adult years and less in your teens.
But overall…I really like it.

I can’t say that it touches me.  But I can sympathize with the feelings expressed.  Keep it up.  Poetry is a great way to work through things.  

A nice poem about love, loss, and remorse. The rhythm is pretty consistent, but slightly sing-songy at times, but I actually liked it. It gave it a lighter feeling, since the subject is sort of sad.