Poetry / Souled Out

souled out. Most unique phrase in this piece. I didn’t like its use at the end, somehow. It didn’t fit, in my head, sorry.

Nicely presented. Good word use for the idea involved.

Have fun with your writing.

Heather
wordwan

I love the opening line.  You get the story across clearly and with some nice imagery.  Breaking me down, leaving me bent – like that, nice image subtle, moving, physical.

There really ought to be more punctuation in my view. Its difficult to read and follow without it.

There are some general issues with rhythm i think:

Giving my life blood to those who’d only scorn – the rhythm of this is not quite right, life blood its two emphasised syllables i think

My soul became a shadow in wasted space – i’m not sure this scans with the rest of the rhythm.  I think there’s the same issue with – Something to feel other than a first and – For the first time I knew unconditional love.

Woah!  Reading this I felt like I was reading about myself at certain times in my life.  The emotion of not thinking or feeling good enough about yourself.

I felt it was not just a poem about the stresses of growing up, more the feeling of being abused, both mentally or physically.  You capture a emotion many people go through without dramatising it or sounding bitter.

The piece exudes a tone of strength within it words.  That times will be hard but that you have to attempmt to push through.  Once you start to see the good in you, that eventually someone else will to.  

I know personally that the longer you keep that wall up, the only person being hurt is yourself.

I must say if this is a personal piece, congrats on being willing to let your wall be knocked down.

I think this is great.  I had no problem understanding it.  I definitely think you shoul;d submit this.

A very well done piece.  I found the symbolizm to be very moving and poignant.  Allowing yourself to be loved by another can open someone’s eyes and ease a troubled soul.  I thought you captured this view rather well.  Excellent work.