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Poetry / No Mysteries (Analysis)
No Mysteries
Enter the hidden gate.
Transmission of light.
In the continuum know yourself.
One knows no other.
Superficial consciousness and form, self identity and mortal name;
These illusions designed to distract.
Expose them with a smile.
Truth dissolves the ignorant.
Peace follows this Way.
Transformation, Regeneration, done without doing.
Divine powers come forth to acknowledge One in Union.
Cosmic forces of ignorance and falsehood grasp to nothing.
Truth shines on the unbindable infinite.
The word bows to the unspeakable.
The unnameable remains unnameable.
Giving up confusion and the search for other in the outer,
Spontaneous knowing dawns, revealing that which was never hidden.
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zombie_penny reviewed Version 1 -
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petal603 reviewed Version 1 -
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AVRP reviewed Version 1 -
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LadyCatie reviewed Version 1 -
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I gave you 8s across the board because, while I like the poem, I think it needs work. There are too many period and it makes it a little abrupt, interupting the flow quite a bit. I’m big on rhythm in poetry and with so many periods yours is stilted.
Having said that, I love the premise and the ideas behind the words. I love that it speaks of a higher Power, a higher level of being (being, not Being) without speaking of God or Christianity. It leaves the reader to interpret it to their own beliefs (Mine are a mix of Paganism and Celtic Druidism).
Very well done. If you can get the stilted feeling out of it the work will be perfect.
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sehoner reviewed Version 1 -
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I think this piece could and would be much better if you drop most of the periods. I am sure you wanted each line to have a substantial impact and thus the reason for them.
However, with a stream of consciousness as I believe you were trying to depict remember this. Most if not all revelations come in a flash and I think a faster pace would lend to that idea. Hence the “lightbulb coming on” cliche’.
Other than that you have a very vivid imagination and I applaud your ability to shape words in to worlds.
Good luck with any revisions.
ajanon reviewed Version 1 -
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Each line to me explains it self to me. Line 13 is unclear.
I must guess that you are saying that “cosmic force avoids ignorance! And it tells no lies?”
There for cosmic force choses intellect and truth.
“Cosmic forces of ignorance and falsehood grasp to nothing”
You really must chose from the criteria things which you actually wish to know, you have way more here than is comfortable.
Other than this its a good Poem
Jeff0307 reviewed Version 1 -
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Philosophical… Not bad, I just wish it were more developed. Too many ideas and not enough expression. If we are talking about poetry here, I would suggest maybe developing the ideas a little bit more to evoke the senses and sentiments. Know what I mean?
dolphine32781 reviewed Version 1 -
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I was a little confused by this, but could just be me. Was with ya at the beginning then faltered.
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