Thank you for your review, second stanza comment: he would brood! Close himself down, drink and brood some more. Often leaving me unsure of anything really. So I said stew there because I am not a fighter. But he was and I’d rather not create a stir, just obseve. Anyway, thanks again.
Poetry / Cats - Ode to the woman at Aldo Rock
I’ve noticed…
All the little mood swings
When a cat has crossed your path
You really are predictable
It almost makes me laugh
It takes a couple of weeks
For you to work it through
To get back in control
And not create a stew
They lurk in places I don’t go
A chance meeting now and then
What comes of it, I don’t know
The temptation to all men
I wonder in my heart of hearts
If it’s reverse psychology
When a cat has waggled its little arse
You accuse me of infidelity
There’s always a pattern to this life
And this I’ve learned for sure
Never trust a man who says
He is innocent and pure
For in the mind, the thought remains
Of what maybe could have been
If the cat, or he, had not refrained
Maybe not all is what it seems
Then there’s the threats, “I’ll have to leave”
If you do this or that
Dump on me again – it makes my heart grieve
For believe me, I’m no cat!
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alishia78 reviewed Version 2 -
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I really love this piece. The tone to the poem – thanks to the rhyme structure – is light, despite the heavy nature of the topic you explore. Makes the title very fitting, though. My favorite line is “They lurk in places I don’t go”... Seems to place blame for these attractions on the “cats,” while really the problem is the man. In the last verse, “Dump on me again – it makes my heart grieve” doesn’t fit quite right—too many syllables, it comes out awkwardly when read out loud. Hope this helps!
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metaphoricalsimile reviewed Version 2 -
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Ok, this poem had some strong points that made me enjoy it quite a bit. The metaphor equating cats with women that the lover’s straying eyes covet is a good one. The insights into psychology are strong, I especially liked the stanza about never trusting a man who claims to be innocent and pure, also the idea that his claims of infidelity are simply a cover for his own wandering attentions.
Although the rhyme scheme seems natural in places, I think that this poem could be made better, that you could make stronger word choices if you were to avoid the rhymes, or only use them when they are perfect, or for emphasis. In particular I thought that the second stanza was weakened by the last line, because the line felt written for the rhyme rather than for the reason.
PauliePrimo reviewed Version 2 -
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It is hard to critique a poem written by anyone because what it means to the writer cannot necessarily mean the same thing to reader. I am not entirely sure but I see your consciousness speaking out through this poem. You said “Never trust a man who says he is innocent and pure”. I will not be bias with this but maybe you are right. Don’t trust a man who says it but trust a man who expresses it.
jordanmcdowell reviewed Version 2 -
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The light hearted and colloquial tones emit and air of chatter and I think that is really nice in this genre of poem. The rhyme was a nice touch and adds to the manifestation of the tone.
It would fit in most poetry books alongside other’s writtings, go forth and pursue publishers!!!!
Keep Writing! :)
Jordan*
bittersweetmemory reviewed Version 2 -
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very clever… completely understandable.
yet, the style of your writing feels inconsistent…
“Dump on me again – it makes my heart grieve”... maybe omit “dump on me again” for rhythm & flow..?
“And not create a stew.”... “without much ado”?
all in all… i liked very much… i’ll read more of you.
Cavity reviewed Version 1 -
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I like this poem. Can definately feel the emotion of it, and the poem easily flows right off of my tongue. The only point where your poem has a little problem with flow is right here
“If it’s reverse psychology
Wen a cat has waggled its little arse
You set to accusing me – of infidelity”
It would go better, I think, if you said “You accuse me of infedilty” But,really that is my only criticism. Awesome job.
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