Yes! I am pleased you like! He take the crumpets of time and smash them together soon!
Poetry / Solzhenitsyn
Nimble solitude,
cloistered heart.
Take those broken sceptres
and put them back apart.
Creative dislocation,
nutshell soul.
To depict life’s slow rattle
was your only goal.
Beetlejuice Russian,
calling in the night.
In blue death camp shoes,
Take the wrong, make it right.
Serpentine avenues,
dark hotels of pain.
Through the cancerous hours,
crush the political chains.
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drowsingmuse reviewed Version 2 -
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I’m not familiar with the subject, but that’s okay because your poem introduces me to him. And that’s what I think of poems like this. Meant as a touchstone for people – if you want to know more, you can. This piece is short enough that I’m just going to paste the whole thing here and make some comments for you!
Nimble solitude,
—Love those opening words. Interesting pairing.
cloistered heart.
—I have a strong sense of the poem’s subject already. Private. Secretive.
Take those broken sceptres
and put them back apart.
—Interesting image. Disjointed items put together disjointedly. I don’t understand the significance, but I understand it is important. Though it does feel a little awkward.
Creative dislocation,
nutshell soul.
To depict life’s slow rattle
was your only goal.
—This stanza makes me think I understand the broken sceptres. Referring to the poet’s creative dislocation. You raised a question and answered it, in my interpretation. Good job.
Beetlejuice Russian,
calling in the night.
In blue death camp shoes,
Take the wrong, make it right.
—This is my favorite stanza of the whole poem. Especially the last line. It resonates well with the rest of the poem.
Serpentine avenues,
dark hotels of pain.
Through the cancerous hours,
crush the political chains.
—One of the professors at my college was a political refugee. He was an intimidating intellectual and an amazing man. I have him as a frame of refrence for this poem, and likely, that’s why it resonates so well for me. I can’t really point out anything “wrong” or anything critical. The one thing I can say is take a look at the sceptres stanza and maybe rework it. It isn’t blatantly awkward, but it doesn’t quite fit as well as the rest of the poem.
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brianna319 reviewed Version 2 -
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This poem amazing. You pay respect to a writer and give your reasons for doing so in the same piece of work. The use of oxymorons is an interesting way to get your point out there. “Nutshell soul” was my favorite (Line 6).
pencil2008 reviewed Version 2 -
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11th&12th lines GREAT! I see & feel “blue death camp shoes”, yes! Take “the” out of last two lines and it’s like a bullet through the heart. Well done!
Beer_and_Poetry reviewed Version 2 -
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I really enjoyed the flow of this poem along with the grittiness. I do not know who Aleksandr Isaevich Solzhenitsyn is but from what I gathered from your work is that he is a man that should admired for his life. It seems like I should perhaps go and maybe check out one of his pieces to see for myself eh…after all that is what good dedications are suppose to compel one to do right. So job well done. I can not wait for more pieces from you.
inxthexpinesx reviewed Version 2 -
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First Verse: If “nimble solitude” is supposed to be a noun the i suggest you put an “a” in front of “nimble” because what you are trying to say by nimble solitude threw me off. the last line in this verse is very complex and i like it because it makes you think.
Second Verse: This verse uses very good imagery. Im was skeptical about nutshell soul at first but it seems to work well eonough. I think that a period would flow better at the end of the first line in this stanza. I think an “a” would sound better at the beginning of “nutshell soul”.
Third Verse:Im not sure what you mean by “beetlejuice russian”. If you could elaborate as to what this was, im sure this image would be a good one. You drumbeat meter is great. This is a greatly rythmic poem and you did a good job with that part.
This verse is amazing. I think that “hotels of pain” seems too simple a image for this piece but it doesnt hinder the quailty too much. Is there another image that would fit your meter?
Overall: This poem has great images that lead up to a great message. With some tweaking this poem would be bery good. Your use of meter impressed me the most. Usually i dont appreciate a piece because of a mechanical device, but you did great in this area.
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