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Poetry / insomnia

i challenged pain and

wrestled love,

only to be reacquainted

with my old companion

loneliness.

now the silence is so loud,

i want to tell my heart to shut up.

i shouldn’t say,

i miss the view

of my world

from me

and you.

i remember your voice

wishing sweet dreams,

and then off to bed to snuggle

with the promise of tomorrow.

instead i have words of finality

playing on a broken record

and tomorrow never comes.

quietly,

i miss the view

of my world

from me

and you.

we dance a dance

of do’s and don’ts

while my finger crosses

the button on my phone

over your name

and i wonder

if you ever do the same.

silently,

i miss the view

of my world

from me

and you.

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Reviews

January 28, 2006

mewize

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
52	83.3% (18 votes)	25.0%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
49			September 14

mewize reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

This is a thoughtful concept to the point of being a respectable work of originality. The subject is very well addressed but the presence of antique devices robs something from the work. For instance, ‘now the silence is so loud’, has been circulating for many years and shows its age when read. Also, the poet should use their shift key to make CAPITAL letters. Poets often seem to believe that rules of grammer do not apply to them, I certainly have bent a rule or two in my work simply for artistic effect, But “I” is always capitalized or it makes the writer appear childish.

Regards