Poetry / From North to South (Analysis)

the poem is written well but it seemed to catch in a few places .I liked the  direction it went  just touch it up a little  with perhaps a change of wording to adjust the flow. Keep up the good work

yea it alright.

It is a structured well poem, without formal problems. But I lack something of spontaneity and feeling. It sounds cold, as a robot triying to define a human.

First thing that grabs me about the poem is the uneven rhymes which, I believe is a problem.  The end rhymes of the first four lines establish a pattern (a,b,c,b) the next four lines have a different rhyme scheme and establishes a line by line internal scheme (the maniac whose zodiac) that, by line #9 has become rhymed couplets.  By line #23 that scheme, too, is abandoned and becomes something else.  
I got so focused on the sounds that I missed the rest the poem had to offer. This is where I would start with a re-write.

An enjoyable read but with potential forced rhyming of which is a problem i am victim to as well. The rhymes are an essential part of this poem but do break up the flow of which minimize direction. A good piece of poetry as a story but would merit a higher rating if it was written from an outsiders perspective, but to be wrote almost personally needs more depth and soul.