Interesting take on the poem! It isn’t what the theme is, but I think I can see where you got that impression!
The poem is about a man’s journey and his self-discovery at the end of the journey.
Thanks for your unique view!
Poetry / The Door
A sense of urgency travels with him;
desperate companion
obsessed with time.
He walks less-traveled paths,
once-inhabited wild lands.
He dreams of the beginning
as footsteps hasten the end.
Much has been lost.
Sacrifices will be made yet
he carries on.
That which was left behind
gleams in anguished memory;
lessons of the past haunt
sky-colored eyes.
Spiral of steps -
an ascent that plunges
into the depth of soul.
The door opens;
Revelation of self.
The door opens;
Redemption awaits.
The door opens;
a sense of urgency travels with him.
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Ronny1 reviewed Version 1 -
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On the whole I could see what you were trying to do with this – and to an extent you achieve it. There’s a sense of urgency to follow the first line,there’s a sense of movement through life, a journey marred by a restlessness and the ghosts of the past yet all the time a seeking/yearning for ‘revelation’ ‘redemption’ - a significant chunk of the human condition!
There are a few niggles for me:
Once -inhabited wild lands – this sounds a bit unwieldy and the significance of Once-inhabited isn’t clear, there has to be a better way of saying this
‘gleams in anguished memory’ – gleams doesn’t sound quite right, maybe glows would be more appropriate?
Sky coloured eyes – this is jus another way of saying blue – I feel you miss an opportuity for another descriptive word that might reinforce your main theme.
Infact this is something that I now always try to to keep in mind when writing,
the more of your images that tie up with each other and reinforce your theme the more punch the poem has.
Finally I don’t tink you need to repeat the first line at the end, it reads much better to me when left at ..’the door opens’
I enjoyed reading this. Your writing shows lots of promise – keep it up!
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Engineering_poet reviewed Version 1 -
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I am sorry but I could not understand the poem at all;
Maybe since I am not aware about Stephen King’s character Roland from the “Dark Tower” series.
joyelm reviewed Version 1 -
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I appreciate the depth at the end, would be interested in more of a build up to the exhileration…impressive!
DrowningDeep reviewed Version 1 -
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I love the poem its very deep.
slongentl reviewed Version 1 -
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Dear Creator,
I feel a sense of infidelity here. I don’t know if this is the concept or not, but that is what I get from it. I felt here that there is an urgency to get to someone else. This was my take on this poem.
Slongentl
BeholdtheMan reviewed Version 1 -
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wow this is really good. i like it very much. You tell a wonderful story through your poetry. your language is effective, we definitely get a sense for the character and the emotions, as well as the scenery. i loved these lines “less-traveled paths”, “an ascent… soul” those really stood out, great imagery. i think the ending works very well also, the repition of “the door opens” with a verse that follows each time really helps create a wood and create a “sense of urgency” as you said. well done!
lemonbutter reviewed Version 1 -
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You have a gift for writing. Even though you really do not know anything about the character in the poem, you can feel a connection with him. I feel like this is something that I would read in a book of poetry.
thankyouindia reviewed Version 1 -
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I’m not familiar with the character or the book, but you do a great job of painting a portrait of him. I think your descriptive language adds to the clarity with which you describe. Although not a regular or expected set up, the words have a great cadence. Some of the memorable lines, again including your great descriptive language include…
“That which was left behind/gleams in anguished memory…”
“lessons of the past haunt/sky-colored eyes.”
“Spiral of steps-/an ascent that plunges…”
IdeeFixe09 reviewed Version 1 -
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I must say I’m glad that for a poem that ‘wrote itself’ it doesn’t appear that way. It’s in a logical order and plays with the reader’s mind. I do suppose it would help if I’d ever read the “Dark Tower” series, but it’s all right—I can substitute my own weary, trouble laden character for Roland. Which is a good thing. You don’t take too much of the King character so that a reader can’t put themselves or another in that main place.
I have one tiny suggestion in the way of grammar.
‘Sacrifices will be made yet he carries on.’
A comma after yet would be needed, I do believe if I can remember my grammar correctly.
Jimmel104 reviewed Version 1 -
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What a great excerpt from some mans life. It is at once haunting yet has a freedom that is more implied than apparent.
Somehow though, there is a sense of impending failure, disaster,doom. Difficult to tell and therein lies the beauty of this. You have managed to paint just enough of this man to make the reader eager to know more.
I would call it a “snipit” of his path through life. I think I shall muse about what lies on the other side of the door for a while.
I give very few 10’s but you have one here.
10/10
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