Thanks for taking the time to read my poem. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Lyrics / Your Moment In The Limelight (Analysis)
Go out and break the mold
That’s what we’ve always been told.
Yet, went beyond life that’s so simple
Only to hear…
You’re so rebellious and, uh, much too bold.
We’re all seeking to be different,
High-achieving and so unique.
Crave to open a new life of possibilities
And when we’re upset by the changes…
Start longing for the antique.
While everyone’s competing for their moment in the spot light,
(For their moment to shine.)
Suddenly all faces seem unfriendly but so familiar…
Become so impatient they start blending in the crowd.
Not worth waiting, so they take flight.
What was it they were fighting for?
Their complaining became so loud.
Ah, yes, to see who they could out-shine.
If only they would have waited…
But how they grumbled n’ got frustrated.
We wanted a room full of smiles in order to shine.
Even if all were different,
Not a one showed their smile was divine.
Instead all their impatience was our waste of time.
Songs of An Avantgarde. Vol. I Copyright 2001 L.S. Jones
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roguescholar reviewed Version 2 -
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gaiascully reviewed Version 2 -
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MichaelDark reviewed Version 2 -
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Being a long time songwriter here’s what I think…..
If you’re going to ‘rhyme’ be consistant in it’s occurences. Do it every other line per verse, or first and line per verse.
In the chorus and bridges, if there are any, you can break up the flow as they can stand independent of the verses. However keep consistant within these as well.
Of course it is challenging to get the feel of the song accross with only words, as the music will hopefully support the text.
If the lyrics aren’t ‘poetic’ you may find some reviews somewhat…..dissappointing. Keep at it and remeber what I wrote in the previous paragraph.
UP THE IRONS!!!
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flamebringer15 reviewed Version 2 -
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That was very nice. It described how everyone wants their chance to be better and acknowledged for it. How everyone is different and it’s a good thing. I liked it because it feels like what everyone says to me or my friends. It sends a very good message to the readers and is very outspoken. Very nice. Thanks for letting my read it.
Flamebringer15
hutch reviewed Version 2 -
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I like the way you captured the feeling
of someone wanting that 15 seconds of fame.
TiffVicious reviewed Version 2 -
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I loved the title. I loved the message. The words were beautiful, powerful, and poetic, Your words brought me into the world you were creating. It flowed flawlessly. i loved it.
MistressBeth reviewed Version 2 -
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It didn’t even have to rhyme all the time ^^ lol. Nice ork I really like it & want to hear it put to music. It would make a great song.
cooljim102055 reviewed Version 2 -
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hi there,
well i like it,,it’s very insightful and a lyric most people might not noticed but when told will agree with, i luv the ryhmes, antique/inique and how they are used/what i would improve is implementing the title in the lyric, you can’t assume they will know the title even though that’s what the lyric is all about..(and you do want them to know what they wanna buy…right?...:) nice job,,jim
exodus84 reviewed Version 2 -
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ratings dont mean shit, i liked it.
stand longing for the antique was amazing!
i really liked that line a lot, it ended that stanza very well.
its funny…you can see that exact feeling in babyboomers who still have a Mantle rookie card in their spokes…
dark_ink reviewed Version 2 -
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Its An Interesting Set Of Lyrics…Im Not Sure Why But Im Not Quite Sure What You Are Talking About…There Was No Picture Evolving In My Head As I Read On…But In A Way My Words Dont Matter Because Once The Tunes Are Added With The Lyrics It Transforms Into A Completely Different World…People Usually Dont Get My Poems Because They Are Full Of Selfishness (Because I Write Just For Myself Not An Audience) So I Guess Now I Know How It Feels To Be Able To Enter A Very Personal Piece (Such As This One)
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