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Poetry / Sadness; He took control of me. . . (Analysis)
It’s stifling…
Working its way upwards,
Clutching and strangulating…
I try to fight it back;
It brushes aside my weak defenses,
Squeezing my heart with those piercing claws.
It’s in my throat now…
Enveloping and conquering,
I try to fight it back;
It won’t let loose.
I surrender to it,
Angry and defenseless,
For sadness is the victor,
And the proof lies in those pearly beads
on either side of my face.
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JamesWoe reviewed Version 1 -
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i think youve done a nice job capturing a precise emotional process…nice sense of helplessness, and the last line is a perfect revelation… “surrender” ing to sadness, its a nice use of figurative language. I like it.
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Fiso reviewed Version 1 -
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I think a few more lines would help project the emotion even more. Good use of adjectives though.
Lovejonz reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed it. I just wonder are the pearly beads your tears?
Hannah_xo reviewed Version 1 -
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As I started to read it, I could see the emotions in this poem, it was very descriptive. From the title you could see what the poem would be about.
It shows what people feel like from sadness. I guess it’s what people feel like when they become single.
I liked this, nice piece of work.
streamwalker2001 reviewed Version 1 -
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you did a good job of portraying sadness… good descriptive words – and you described well feelings that we’ve all felt… nice job – i liked this…
exodus84 reviewed Version 1 -
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perhaps you and i share some similar emotions, eh?
i enjoyed this a lot
i share a lot with your outlooks on things
i go through this often
Jimmel104 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very nice start.
Not sure about your title. The “He” seems out of place. Maybe just, “Sadness; took control of me”
Some of the word choices and phrasing might be improved, if it is sadness you are trying to evoke. “strangulating”?; try leaving out the “it” in line 4; “weak” in line 5; “those” in line 6; “It’s” line 7; “It” line 8; “It” line 9; try just “Surrender” for line 10;”and” line 11;”For” Line 12; “And” line 13.
Your flow has some good intensity build up but it needs more drama. I think these may help. Then again, maybe not. ;>)
7
ShadowHeadley reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow that was a moving piece… I think that it shows how sadness can make you feel helpless and weak. Your style’s a general one but I think that you should try a few different formats, like scattering you lines over the page so they don’t match on any side. It gives the poem a more liquid look and essential feel about it. Try it and let me know… but this poem was a great piece of work.
guild reviewed Version 1 -
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Very descriptive emotional poem and lends it’s feelings for other readers to connect with.
What’s good about this poem is all of the angles that it covers and what one feels like from saddness.
Very well written and I gave you a nine for this poem.
Take care and I’ll look forward to your future writings.
LAluver4ever reviewed Version 1 -
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Wow, that was pretty powerful. I felt like I was being choked by “it” too. Well done. =]
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