Poetry / SNAP!! (Analysis)

I like this. Honestly when I skimmed it I didn’t think that it was going to be worth the effort but I did as your notes ask and I found to my surprise that in a helter skelter way you have created a powerful cry from circumstances over which you have no control. Yet, the act of “i SNAP” somehow gives meaning back to you for the life you find yourself living.

Really good stuff. I’m thinking that the misspells are intentional and even that doesn’t detract from the feelings you are building. If anything they added to it.

Only suggestion is the ending. It is a let-down. What about reworking the last to read:
“and i mess it up again
i SNAP”

Just a thought. This is too good to have this weak ending.
8

I Love This Piece…But To Tell You The Truth I Couldnt Read It As A Poem…As I Read On, In My Head It Was A Song…It Just Felt Right To Me…Good Poem

This piece has ecxellent feeling, but I think it gets a little lost in the difficult reading of it. It really needs some editing. I would also play around with the physicality of the piece. I think it might add something. I’d love to see a new version that’s been edited and changed around a bit! Kind of like this- (I did edit these lines too)

  I have been dealt one hell of a hand-
                                        so I

                                              SNAP

  For the pain
               that’s guaranteed to come again.
  
                    I’ve seen rape,
                                   murder,
                                          and suicide

                                        so I

                                              SNAP

  as I push my feelings
                             aside.
                    I have seen
                                little girls
                                             open legs
  to gain approval from men
                                        so I
                                      
                                              SNAP

  and lend my hand.
                    I’ve been used,
                                   abused
                                          lied to
                                                  and mistreated
                                        so I

                                              SNAP!

anway just a thought. Keep up the good work!

Hi I gave you a nine for this poem and I would really like to see you record this and get it out there for everyone to ‘hear’.

Very original idea with this poem and that’s important I think, in having your work get noticed.

Good job on this one and best wishes to you.

Interesting concept, the actual snap while reading. I think this would make a good coffee house poetry night piece. Only a few places where the reading doesn’t flow well. And in reading it out loud, you can easily get the words to flesh it out. Are you planning on putting some sort of mood music on behind this when it’s being read? A deep bass, or smooth piano might accent this well.

I loved it!   I can feel what you feel from the poem.  It’s a pretty good piece. Well done! Snap!