Poetry / Who I am

This poem is definitely in my favorite genre of poetry: Confessional. However, it could use some work. Some of the lines are very cliché, especially the ending. Try to be more creative with word choice and I think this poem could really speak about how you were feeling!

Thanks for sharing!

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June 01, 2008

by brianna319

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18	F	Middletown, IN	August 10

Which lines do you think are cliche? I’m just curious so I know which ones to avoid in later poems.

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One of the hardest questions to answer: who am I? I liked your answer. You did a very good job of showing who you are instead of what you are.

You’re writing conveyed a message of vulnerability.  There wasn’t much rhythym to it.  It would have allowed it to flow better. It’s a good place to start.  Keep writing.

These sound as though they would be good rock lyrics.

I think the theme of this poem is the line, “I am the one afraid to say how I feel”. You’ve been vague in many of your statements. How have you tried to be there? to please? to be fair? Saying it shows us nothing.

Go through the poem, line by line, and look at the masks, the layers, the people, and paint some pictures for us. It’s OK to tell us “I am afraid
of going through each day”, but why?

Play with it, and see what comes out. You may be surprised.

Thanks for the read. Good luck.

Simple And Very Plain Poem Yet It Helps People Realize The Truth Of Every Single Word…Keep It Up!

Amazing.
Great Job on the imagery and emotion. This poem tells more than what is written.
Keep writing!
<3

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May 19, 2008

by brianna319

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thanks. you are probably one of few who gets this one.

May 19, 2008

by brianna319

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thanks. you are probably one of few who gets this one.

May 20, 2008

by uka89laka

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:)

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Ok, for a piece that you wrote some time ago, it’s pretty good.

The first… stanza, I guess …could do with a bit of work. I dont know if it was intentional or not but the first four lines after “who am I?” have an ABAB rhyming scheme. Normally, there’d be nothing wrong with you doing this for one stanza and then using many different line lengths and no rhyme through the rest of your poem. This would convey a sense of confusion or of not belonging in the reader that the narrator is feeling… But, in THIS poem, this has worked against you as the B parts of the ABAB pattern are both “you” which makes this stanza seem devoid of tallent.

However, the rest of the poem seemed fine to me; begging for your new years of experience, but fine nonetheless.

Good work!

Throughout this is imagery of the feminine.  Universal femininity. Therefore is it a request for an understanding of the whole of womanhood?  That women are fulfill multiple roles and desire recognition for not only their roles but for their nature as women?  If that is the case then I have to cringe a bit at the last line as it makes me think that women need outside help (ie. male help), and I don’t think that’s the intent.  Maybe help from other women?  That would be a call for sisterhood, something that needs to be clarified in the last line as a call to feminine help, or understanding of womanhood.  The short sentences work and keep a good rhythm.  Length is fine as well.

Think again, what are you trying to say, and clarify with the last sentence.

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May 20, 2008

by brianna319

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18	F	Middletown, IN	August 10

This poem is not a request to understand the whole of womanhood. It’s just a request for someone to take the time to understand ME. I’m not putting some feminist message in the poem, just my thoughts and feelings.

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i really liked this poem. its true for so many people, giving & giving to others yet not receiving anything back. the last line is revealing & chilling & makes your intended point clear. a great piece of poetry.

Baby, you sound so sad and I know that you are, but life wouldn’t always be dark.. Read and remember “A Family in the Making” by me. You can always count on that one person to be there for you. I like how you wrote your poem, though. It makes it look smaller but it hits just as hard as any of mine.