Thank you, I appreciate the review….there are plenty more of the Winterhaven pieces posted on my page – however, be warned, they are not in any kind of order…thanks again.
Young Adult / Winterhaven - Running
I loved the feeling of running. Trees passed at an impossible rate and although I knew my feet were pounding along the thicket that was the forest floor, it felt as though I were flying. I couldn’t seem to get used to the amazing ability, it was an incredible feeling and extremely useful, I’d learned, especially for my kind. My mind wandered as I ran through the woods. The weightless sensation and wind blowing around me was relaxing; running was the only time I was able to escape the events of the past few months.
It had been sixteen weeks since I’d fled from home and neither the guilt nor my terrifying new needs and habits had become easier to deal with. I thought of Davey every day and was repulsed with myself on the numerous occasions I had to feed. Images of David’s lifeless body flashed before my eyes whenever I dropped a drained human to the ground, leaving me with a full stomach but a heavy, aching heart.
The running had become an outlet, my only chance to forget about the horror movie my life had become.
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youngwriter92 reviewed Version 1 -
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you really know how to paint a picture with your words! i love your stories and i really hope that you get them published into a book sometime i think that other teens like me would like it. You’re like the new Stephine Meyer.
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Ctoyboy3 reviewed Version 1 -
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it made sence to me. great imagry.
GiftedSlacker reviewed Version 1 -
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Ahh, another potential start to a chapter. I liked this one. I think maybe you could incorporate that the only way to run that fast was to feed. I’m interested in reading what you have to write next.
crystinawritersblog reviewed Version 1 -
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It sounds interesting. Keep writing!
Crescentblade reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s a rather interesting story but some of the writing kind of feels a bit scattery, jumping from the idea of running and losing oneself to a sort of flash back reflective piece. To ease the transition maybe another paragraph or even a second sentence could be added between “The weightless sensation and wind blowing around me was relaxing; running was the only time I was able to escape the events of the past few months.” and “It had been sixteen weeks since I’d fled from home and neither the guilt nor my terrifying new needs and habits had become easier to deal with.” Maybe switching the second sentence with the first second might help a bit.
Also you might want to think about going more into describing the actual feelings that arise when someone who loves to run, runs. It’s just a bit hard for people who don’t run to completely understand why running helps “to escape the events” of a person’s life when they can’t truly visualize the character’s emotions. Otherwise I think this is interesting and makes me want to find out whats going to happen later.
flyawaywitmexo9 reviewed Version 1 -
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the first line in your second paragraph is a run on. i would put a period between home & and.
in the first paragraph. i would change the first line. i loved the feeling of running, because its just too plain. something like…The sensation of running was something i loved.
SunsetStargazer reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought it was intrigueing(I spelled that wrong didn’t I?) A great way to pull you in.
It makes you want to know more about the character.
Good job.
~Sun
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