Thank you so much! I’m glad it can relate to people.
Poetry / Storm (Analysis)
She’s caught between two whirlpools:
one pulls her toward freedom, the other,
imprisonment.
Like the rain floods a valley, indecision swells up inside her,
taking over her.
She doesn’t know which way is right or left,
right or wrong.
If she admits the undeniable, she could never
turn back.
The truth becomes more and more blurry with each unanswerable question
she asks herself.
It’s impossible to see through this
fog.
She’s lost now, and the winds of certainty change every time she thinks that maybe,
just for a moment, she was going to
make the right decision.
The hurricane in her mind won’t give her a break; she’s constantly working,
trying to make sense of what she’s feeling, but
this is one storm that will take years to recover from.
Thunder knocks on the door to her secrets, asking to come in, as if she needs more
company for her
chaos.
Her heart is aching and pounding like a warrior about to go into battle.
The undertow grasps her feet, causing her to slip out of
sanity.
The waves crash down on her, harder than ever before:
harder than she ever could’ve imagined.
She calls for help, but her desperate screams only float away in the breeze,
unheard.
Hope looks down to her with pity;
she’s too far gone to have faith.
She’s going to
drown.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Alexandra1995 reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 55 word review has not been unlocked.
2lanecrossroad reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
Very powerful and baring an intence meaning to this poem. I applaud you for your efforts and enjoyed this poem to its fullest.Keep writing.
- add/view comments (0)
LA_Alirie reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
I like this idea, and I think the wording was done just right. I think the rythym wavered from line to line. Like, “The truth becomes more and more blurry with each unanswerable question
she asks herself.” which didn’t seem to fit with the rest of the story in this wording. Lastly, I think the last line is a nice closing that has an impact on the reader. Really, the first five lines is all that needs improving to me. It good stand to be more rythmic, in my view, but if that’s not your style, hey, it wasn’t Emily Dickinson’s either. That’s just my taste.
Jimmel104 reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is fantastic. Sorry if that is trite, but I simply can’t make up stuff to satisfy guidelines.
I know this is good because you have beautifully and painfully described a dilemna that a young lady I know is struggling with now.
I feel the pain an anguish for her in this poem. The only reason this isn’t a 10 for me is:
“She calls for help, but her desperate screams only float away in the breeze,
unheard.”
The imagery in this line does not seem to me to be nearly as full of pathos as the rest of the poem.
9
angknott reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
this is a creative piece of writing. the descriptions, how you didn’t make it completly clear as to what is going on so the reader must figure this out. very descriptive, can be true for most people, storms going on in their heads. i like how u seperated the last line “she’s going to…...drown.”
B_HDouglas reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
I am speechless in a good way, just glad that hope came ‘down to her with pity;’. You have made the word ‘chaos’ acceptable by being understood and always out of place, no matter where! Doug.
brianna319 reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
I like the way you describe this girl’s indecision. Is this a way of saying you are confused about something? If it is, just know this, follow your heart, it won’t lead you astray. Some decisions are this confusing. But what is trapping her? What decision is she trying to make?
Scarlet_Afflictions reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
I love your expression of words in this piece of work: “The hurricane in her mind…,” and “Thunder knocks on the door to her secret…” You successfully related every emotion of this character to a sense of “storm.” I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work!
spincycletexas reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
Love it. the only negative I could find is “Thunder knocks on the door to her secrets, asking to come in, as if she needs more
company for her” After the word secrets the sentence seems to ramble. tighten it up a bit. Very good job.
imara219 reviewed Version 4 -
Read 100% of the Item
“Like the rain floods a valley”—perhaps this would flow better if you injected “like how…”
You might want to do without this ”...she asks herself.” I became stuck on this sentence to see if it makes sense if you delete this portion it’ll just sound better and the sentence would be tighter.
This piece may benefit from stanza breaks, unless you wanted to leave it formatted like this for a reason. For example, “She’s lost now..” felt like a complete sentence and stanza and I the line after it felt as if it should be in a separate paragraph, with that in mind the “The hurricane in her…” maybe have as one sentence, and then start “She constantly…” could be it’s own sentence—the writing would feel more tight.
Besides that I actually liked the poem and your writing style. The metaphor didn’t feel forced and your imagery and examples were spot-on.
Showing 1 - 10 of 18
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Item Stats
GENERAL
13 Reviews 4 Comments
Version 4
Latest Activity: 1 day ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 4 Times
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 4 | Version 3 (Deleted) | Version 2 (Deleted) | Version 1 (Deleted) |