Poetry / May I Have This Dance? (Analysis)

I think you have a good start to something that should be much longer. I tried to find some sort of pattern aside from lines, but I think that in order to find some sense of rhythm, lengthening would assist.

With alot more time and thought you could actually turn this into a short story because I think it’s too short not to be a poem but knowing you could turn this into something alot more better, there seems to be more than meets the eye sort of feel to this poem for me.

Think about it,

Amy

I like how your able to express your feelings in so little words, sometimes its what isn’t said that leaves people gagging for more. My one small piece of criticism would have to be maybe you could have described the scene a little better. Like were the couple at a party? Were they at someones house? Where they alone? Things like that….... anyway overall a good poem, well done :)

Great stuff but would love to see (read) more of it. You have the imagination and creativity at heart, expand on it. More, more, more!

Excellent!  Concise, witty.  Put a comma after “revelry”.  :)

This to me sounds like a Romeo and Juliet poem, something that Romeo would tell her from the ground as she stands above him. It would be good for that, but personally, the poem seems rather bland? Too simple and short, then again I like long poems. As a quick short poem, I do believe it would do well in school literature books.

Other than that, good work.

I like this poem because it’s light-hearted and funny. The second paragraph could use some rephrasing, for example the first line is a bit awkward and out of place. (Of the second paragraph.) The phrase “eye contact” gives the piece originality.

I do think it needs to be editing before publishing, but of course, they all do…

nice germ of an idea but Incomplete. The image is a bit shadowy and hollow.

I feel like you can take out some words in this poem to make it better. Like you could take out the “and” in the first line of the second stanza and add a comma. “You laughed, wished.”

But your sentiment is clear and just needs a few tweaks.

How sad—two potential lovers parted.  One who chooses to dance in the clouds and the other tied to earth and obligation and forever longing, I think.

I’m not a poet, it’s hard for me to review it, but this made me sad, or perhaps wistful.  You parted your lovers so readily and I’m sad for them.

Nice imaging here but I’m wishing they were both happily dancing together.