Poetry / The Box (Analysis)

I have been a lover of your work for some time now.  I love ur flow and meanings behind the words. It is very difficult for me to judge poetry because I am a firm believer that no poetry is bad because it speaks from the pen of the scriber.  What one person sees, another won’t.  

I guess I simply understand your flow so this to me is beautiful.

Very cool!  Oh yea!  No one here is better than anyone else, is I think, one of the undertones you have designed by the last line.  Great rhythm, I mean it.  Great poem, I see a very lively audience for this one.

Excellent. I did have one problem. Do you mean the key you wielded? Wheeled makes no sense whatsoever. If that was intentional, I missed the reason behind it. If not, you may want to be more careful about editing.

I loved your flow, and the structure, and your word choice was spot on.

I can’t wait to read more!

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May 25, 2008

by BOSSBLACK

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45	M	Virginia Beach, VA	June 03

Oh wow you know you are absolutely right. Thank you

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I liked this poem, because of the mystery that it holds. It intimidates you in some of the stanzas and in others reflects a mother, with her teachings of her child. But, then with another angle, could also be seen through the eyes of a soldier. (This is my deeper thought.)

The unusual thing about this poem, is all the different meanings or ‘hats’ that it can wear. Which is what’s great about it. It allows every reader to paint a different picture.

I thought this poem was very good and I rated it that way.

Best wishes to you and to you future.

Guild

as i read this poem the box shifted in my mind; symbolically to a person hollowed out, divulging all her secrets to a special someone, and then literally to a box, able to be opened or locked depending on the person wanting whats private. it seems like thats what you were trying to convey, so good job!

i read it over and over again and never got bored reading in between the lines, it seemed like a new meaning popped out each time. beginning to end—i never got bored and trust me, its hard to keep my attention! XD

Very invitational, nice way to present!

The clarity is a little foggy until you get to the end. i thought you were talking about Pandora’s box or something like that. it does come together though, in the last two lines of the poem “Here is the box opened   For you”.

This almost has the lovely feel of a child’s nursery rhyme in its rhythm.  What was springing to my mind was “This is the house that Jack built”.  The subject matter, of course, bears no resemblance.  I like the symbol of the box and the way it was used.  I think the last verse felt incomplete, but this is your poem, not mine.

I like the poem but must admit if fell down on the structure.
Aim to generate a better lay-out to the poem. Same number of lines to each verse might help. Then look at the rhyming words.’Wild’ and ‘world’ come to mind. Suggest ‘wild’ and ‘child ’ might be better. Readers observe these little things.
And the ending is not a shock or a surprise or one to create smiles. The ending is a fading one. Be creative and re-edit your poem.Dig deep and you’ll find inspiration.
Good luck.

very well written. the flow is very smart.
- Noxema