Poetry / Now, You Seem To Know (Analysis)

Being able to create such emotion with such simple words is a true art.
I felt as though I was invading a private moment in time with someones
entire life flickering before me.  I didn’t want it to end. There’s nothing that I could say..just beautiful that’s all  

Very interesting rhyming scheme and real sense of isolation in this poem. Good job.

I like the rhyme scheme, and even the flow of it, which reminds me more of lyrics than poetry (though often they can be both, eh?). What I don’t have are concrete terms.  I was hammered on this with one of my poems, so I’m saying it here.  You could put something solid in it, some imagery.  

How about sight, smell, sound, etc.  Use the senses to convey meaning in poetry.

It was, overall, cute, but kinda vague.

I think this is a nice piece with potential. There’s a few things I can suggest that might help.

The rhyme scheme is very well-established but it isn’t generally “in my face”, so good job! The notable exceptions being the first stanza, which doesn’t have the same scheme and so it’s jarring. And this stanza:

“So now I understand,
Life isn’t how I planned,
Because the past, can never last,
And can never be surpassed,
That’s why the future’s held in high demand.”

This is, for me, the weakest stanza of the poem. The rhyme scheme was very obvious, sort of overpowering the words. Also in this stanza (and the rest of your work!) keep this in mind. Fewer words doesn’t mean less significance. You can actually make something less powerful if you add words that don’t have any necessity or significance. For example in the first line of this stanza, the word “so”. It it’s ruining the poem by any means, but the line doesn’t suffer if it is removed. You can convey the exact same sentiment “Now I understand”. I would examine this stanza and reconsider what you’re trying to say. Do you mean life isn’t how you planned? Or do you want to go another direction – Life doesn’t give in to demands. Think of different ways to say the same thing! I don’t think you need the comma after the word past.

On the other hand, this is my favorite stanza:

“I can take you where I hide,
...
For days when our ego’s collide.”

I think you can rearrange it a little. Maybe more like:

I can take you where I hide
But you’ll have to wait outside.
It’s my secret and I’ll keep it
(I know I’ll always need it)
For days when our egos collide

Just playing around with the form a little. You seem to have a couple places in the stanzas where there’s an idea but it could sort of be in parenthesis or italics or something like I’ve done here. Just a thought!

Looking forward to seeing a revision!
Questions? I’ll be glad to clarify.
Hope my review helps!