sorry, huh? what newer version? there is only one version of this poem…
Poetry / what do you do...? (Analysis)
what do you do when someone breaks your broken heart?
do you even bother picking up the pieces?
or do you just leave them apart?
after all, it’s just gonna break again, right?
what do you do when all your hopes come crashing down?
do you hope for a miracle?
or do you just stare at the wreckage aimlessly?
after all, you expected it, right?
what do you do when someone lets you down?
or someone pushes you and you fall?
do you even bother getting up?
or do you just lay still, knowing you’re gonna fall again anyway?
what do you do when shadows fill your life?
do you even bother finding light?
or do you just shiver in that lonesome cold
knowing that searching is futile and unwise?
what do you do with your life when nothing could get worse?
when there are no more dreams, no more hopes, no more light?
do you still struggle and try to rise above your fate?
or just let it take you and surrender to the mighty wave?
what do you do when nothing seems to matter?
when you don’t matter anymore?
do you wallow in self pity and doubt?
do you curse and rant and wreak havoc about?
what do you do when there are no longer happy endings
and all that is left is misery and remorse?
do you still wish to live and die trying?
or do you just want to die?
what do you do when there’s nothing left for you
and you are an aimless ghost flitting through eternities of sorrow
forever made to suffer and mourn and grieve
for a life so empty and without reprieve?
what do you do?
how do you cope?
what would you do…
...if you were me…
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william_roger_riley reviewed Version 1 -
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desperado008 reviewed Version 1 -
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cap10martini reviewed Version 1 -
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This is good and very touching it is full of feeling and that is why it works, still the repeating of it may give it flow, but also makes it tiresome after a while I think it would be helpful to shorten this a bit.
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kanto222 reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the vague ending; some things don’t need an answer, especially not a broken heart. I think that vague ending is the bravest thing you do in the poem, you should try taking those types of risks with you imagery. Look inside yourself, in the part of you that loves and find an image so wrenching you can’t bear to write it down, then write it. Bleed a little.
shanny21m reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the newer version better
melissrrr reviewed Version 1 -
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this one is good because it speeks to a lot of people. almost everyone can relate to these feelings. your words are stong and make this poem worth reading to the very end. :)
DarknessUnknown reviewed Version 1 -
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Lots of goals. I’ll start by responding. After all, it’s a question, and I skipped the poem in your notes fortunately so I do not know the answer. . .
You do what is good, and you do what is right, it doesn’t matter if it hurts. You’ve got yourself to answer to, and only yourself to blame if it doesn’t work out. As a single entity, I myself, believe that the right road is almost always the painful one, but that makes it worth it in the end, even if you don’t realize just how right you are.
And I read yours now, and I see your point in it, and you see this differently from they way I do. I like that you can have that, such a structured poem, and still have people extrapolate their own opinions and responses to it. I viewed it based on what one must do, you viewed it based on why you can do it. I don’t believe the world is a place of hope. Maybe you do. But hope, to me, is a smaller, more subtle thing than for others. The beauty of this poem of yours is that it lets us see it how we see it, by the light of the moon, or by the shine of the sun.
On to the goals. You listed some thing in different ways more than twice, even, so i had to repeat here and there. My only criticism is your lack of grammar and spelling structure. To me, and probably to others, incorrect grammar is a snag when I read—my mind sees it and stops to blare the klaxon and flash all different shades of warning colors.
Overall, very good. I liked it.
riverjordan reviewed Version 1 -
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to be brutally honest, this poem really depressed me and the more it went on the more i wanted it to end because i thought that at the end you might finish off with a stanza of hope or that you will keep on living and surviving because it will get better but you didnt and that frustrated me.
you did do really well at creating a feeling of utter despair and that you have no more hope left in your life, but i still think for the poem to be more effective you need to relight that flicker of hope or determination to go on.
you had a good structure but asking ‘what do you do’ then the next lines would be ‘do you…”. This didnt happen in the second last stanza which I think it needs to happen.
You do have talent, but I think this poem needs some work.
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