It is written about me for the simple fact, that I have struggled with drug addiction for the past eighteen years of my life. The metaphors suggest that, but only those who have suffered from addiction would probably appreciate this piece, and recognize the meaning behind the words I chose.
Poetry / We Were Powerless (Analysis)
We perceive and believe
That of what is written.
We take a drink from an apple,
The serpent has been bitten.
A smitten giant, broken alliance,
Defyant in ourselves.
Help is there, everywhere,
It only comes in twelves.
Dreams are steam to fuel our minds,
With oil to run smoother.
Change a tire with new attire.
You are still a loser.
Cruise control, automatic,
Static in your system.
Lose control, your an addict,
Addicted to the venom.
Why try to deny,
That of what is written?
Quitting dry, slits for eyes,
The serpent has been bitten.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Mika reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 304 word review has not been unlocked.
PhotoWriter reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 23 word review has not been unlocked.
Static reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 115 word review has not been unlocked.
nubadunk reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 23 word review has not been unlocked.
bjohnny reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
i like the couple of opening lines as i am a cynic on what we hold as truth as i think the world is . your poem is well paced ,by my standards anyway.it beats along rather than tick tocking which can be annoying.i would have gone with dreams are steam that fog the mind, as i rarely find clarity in dreams ,at least it is good to know someone has that ability.overall your poem got me to the end of it which is a rare occurance with me and poetry.if i was to give advice iw ould say drill yourself to watch one hour of bill oreilly on fox followed by an episode of oprah reminding yourself the power these to have in completely differing philosophies if you can call them that. there is so much nourishment for a poet out there , i like how your poetry is modern and not pretentious , have something to say , say it .im guessing you will get criticism about structure, ignore it,just try and deepen your quantifications.
- add/view comments (0)
Jackal reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
It’s not a bad piece, it just sounds like many other pieces… a little unmemorable. It’s about you and your experience of something, but I would like it more if it were not so specifically tied into you personally. I want the piece to feel like it’s about me as well.
bittersweetmemory reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
i like this a lot,loads of potential
suggestions:
That of what/that which is.. (x2)
take a drink from an/we drink from the…
With oil to run smoother/oiled to run smoother
deny-eyes/who denies?
Roger reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I am old school myself which means I probably shouldn’t have rated this one, you see I think poems that rhyme are not out of time (you see, I did it too). Basically good work, needs a little polish and a little more clarity of theme, but not bad at all.
poetking reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
this is short, to the point and from my own point of view “GREAT” so many poems are well written , but i, like many other people enjoy the use of word-play in rhyme. thank you for writing this piece.
Showing 1 - 9 of 9
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
9 Reviews 3 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 2 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 7 Times
Ratings & Rankings
