Flash Fiction / Adequate (Analysis)
Step back
“There comes a time in my life where I want to start all over. Like if I was given that chance I know I would abuse it to it’s fullest exent.”
“Why? Don’t you like how life is now?”
“I do, but there are things that I want that you can’t give me. No one can. These oppurtunities were there but I was too blind to see them. Now they have passed me up and there’s no going back. Only turning and missing.”
Give up
“You could always do something to change it I bet.”
“I could, but why leave all this. It’s easier to just let it be. Besides, I’m content with what we have.”
“Oh, I love you so much.”
“Yeah, you too.”
She lays her head on his chest listening to the soft voices on the tv and his heartbeat. He stares past the walls in front of him. Not thinking, not regretting. Just sitting.
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I’ve got to be honest. I’m not sure where you are going with this. A lovers’ discussion on the intangible, I imagine. If that is what you are going for, you are missing alot of subtle details involved with any kind of close and intimate conversation. Body movements and what not. You have an interesting dialogue, but. . . It’s a little preachy. I’m not sure what the “step back” and “give up” are about either. IS that internal monologue? Or just kind of like a narration to give perspective? This would fit better in longer story. Lawerence has a few of these kinds of conversations in “Lady Chatterly’s Lover”.
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I really liked the general format of this. I enjoyed the italics, because I thought that it added a nice bit of perspective to the story. Also, I enjoy the short descriptions. What didn’t really work for me was the first speaker; the dialogue sounded a bit overformal and unnatural. Other than that, good job. Keep writing!
A bit difficult to follow. Still not sure if the italics are thoughts and the rest is the tv?
Some clarity is needed to help with this.
I get the message of resignation and acceptance for the mediocrity of his life so perhaps that is enough.
I like this.
spelling=opportunities
8/8
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