Poetry / That Drink (Analysis)

If you are going to do something this short the abruptness of the “True” and “you” lines out of place don’t really work.

It is a bumpy read.  Simple in questions with a fairly cliche end.

This was simple.  Not much content or artistry.  You have to start somewhere.  
The line “Do you love her, are you true.?” needs some attention (Two sentences, both are questions).  This needs editing, but I’m not sure that it’s worth it.  Yeah, being a drunk definitely is debilitating. If you truly love to write poetry, you grow with each piece and don’t allow yourself to be discouraged by critism. Keep at it and dig deeper.

I like what this poem is saying, but I think it could have gone further. By going further I mean by telling how the drink turned someone’s life into a “big mess” adding more images.In essence, probably questioning less and showing us glimpses of lives that the “drink” has ruined. I didn’t like the phrase “big mess” ( it just wasn’t telling enough for me. The word pathetic is misspelled.

You could have slowed down the wording by:
Do you love her?
Are you true?
Is she happy?
Do you care?

Anyways thanks for sharing your work.

How simple and direct this poetry is, don`t drink.  The words are eloquent and you do get across one message, excellent.  The questions at the beginning balance the statements toward the ending part of this poem.  Thank you.

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July 31, 2008

by vickiebellew

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somehow I had overlooked this review. Thank you for the positive input. I rely on others to tell me if I’m headed in the right direction.

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