Novel Treatments / Ashley Burlough (Analysis)

Never, never use ALL CAPS.  It’s Writing 101.  Professional critics will eat you alive, and most agents won’t touch you.

That said, you’ve got a decent idea for a novel.  Your problem is going to be how to add a twist to what is an already crowded field of teen pregnancy and consequnce novels.  The latest, successful twist is Juno; same old story in a new and interesting character package, supported by the unique and innocent friend that gets her pregnant.   What you have so far is not enough justification for suicide.  This is an attractive, wealthy, apparently normal 16 year old girl.  She’s going to need some skeletons in her closet and maybe a slow decline into drug dependance.  But that in itself won’t be enough for today’s market and it’s already been done.  

Write the book and see what comes.  As a novel treatment, you have not demonstrated a fresh idea that an agent would bite.

driver herself-drive

A while ago I read the first to pages and thought you were going to do a series of chapter. But I see you took a u-turn and ended the story now. Everything was good up to the ending..I dont really think you could kill yourself by getting high. You should’ve made her by some pills from the guy instead on OD.. Other than that good story and I liked the way you wrapped it all up.

I liked your heroine, spunky, feisty, outspoken, honest.  The only thing I found out of sync was that the abortion was legally forced on her.  From the style of your writing I’m guessing you’re from the UK.  Here there is no way anyone, including parents, would not be able to force an abortion.

I liked the way you kept your characters’ personalities consistent.  Ashley stayed feisty (I like her, by the way), her mother was a class A bitch, and her father was a jerk.  Her feelings about them were very honest and the reader was not left doubting as to why.

In some ways, your characters were almost caricatures of themselves.  The mother the perfect bitch, Ashley the perfect rebel, her father the typical judge type.  But in some ways this worked for you.  It’s almost like you were working out an anger.

I didn’t like the ending, though there was a certain symbolism in it.  I’d personally like it better if Ashley just found someone to run off with—and live.  In some the ending was overdone, in others, I understand.