Dylanesque?
Poetry / Bush Administration (Analysis)
Sticky grape bubble gum, caught on my chin,
like the swirling white chalk in my brain.
This toxic knowledge dripping from the
snapped strings of a beaten down puppet.
The congealed red cake frosting splattered on the driver’s side window.
My life is a black and white movie that blisters my butterfly tattoos….
I hate the smell of turnip.
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Gavinswar reviewed Version 2 -
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jpmny333 reviewed Version 2 -
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This has a wonderful sense of imagination and good imagery. It kind of took me back to when I was child, how everything seemed to be so much interesting, in terms ordinary Life experiences (bubble gum, chalk, cake, etc.) At this point I fail to make the connection between this and politics, other than the “toxic knowledge” and “snapped strings” references.
I’m interested to see where this goes, and I think that’s important for any type of writing.
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doktorsarcasm reviewed Version 1 -
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I find it to be very metaphorical, mystical, yet very Dylanesque. I like it.
spincycletexas reviewed Version 2 -
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I like the style. Its different and the imagery is very unique which is a plus for me. However without the title I would have no idea what you were talking about. I would love to see more stanzas like this. Expand this poem. Very different and i love that.
rafamartin reviewed Version 2 -
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I think that the poem is good and it has possibilities. Maybe some more verses to improve the context for the reader. The structure is maybe of too long sentences, (“The congealed red cake frosting splattered on the driver’s side window”). If you want to be shocking and bladen, better cut your sentences. Good contrast of colours and sounds with the image of B/White and the tatoos. The last one is a perfect punch. Come on with a second version, you’re talented.
Howard_Bushart reviewed Version 2 -
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I like it. Haven’t a clue what it means but the sounds are good and the images are startling. The title, seemingly, has little to do with what follows and I like that, too. Good job. Private logic in a poem is not necessarily a flaw.
Jimmel104 reviewed Version 2 -
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BOSSBLACK reviewed Version 2 -
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I don’t think it is fair to give a review on an unfinished work. So often many pieces will not grab you until the end. I hope to see it again.
Mariama reviewed Version 2 -
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You are quite right that we may find it odd. Okay, i for one am not a resident of America, nor an American, but could you elaborate more how turnip relates to “The Bush Administration’? I found it a good poem, aside the title used, that’s why i gave you a seven.
Elven_Vampiress reviewed Version 1 -
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I actually really like this piece. I really realate to it on a level I’m not even sure I can define. The only thing I would suggest is playing around a bit with the physical placement of the lines on the page. Thanks for sharing!
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Version 2
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