Thanks. There’s something of these elements there, but I feel they get buried underneath the dialogue.
But going beyond the usual constraints of fiction has long been one my driving theories. I appeciated your review.
Flash Fiction / This Story Is So Emo (Analysis)
Myself, Tom, Stan, and Theodore stood at the edge of the universe, watching the swirling galaxies, the stars, the suns, all of space. Stan sat crouched on an asteroid, his hands to his chin. “Earth, what do you think that is?” he asked. We all looked around for a minute and it became quite obvious. “Well, Stan, everyone knows it’s a planet,” I guffawed. “No, no, no,” he shook his head, “I know that. But what genre would you classify it under?”
”Genre?” Theodore questioned. “Yeah, yeah, genre, you know. Psychobilly, black metal, free jazz…” he continued. We all looked at each other in confusion. “Um, I don’t know,” Tom paused. “I never really thought about it like that.” We were drifting through space. “I’ve thought about it for a long time,” Stan mused, “and I think the whole planet of Earth can correctly be identified as a theatre of the absurd play, because they seem painfully paralyzed and unable to communicate.”
”Now, hold on a minute there,” I argued, “I have to say ultimately they’re a realist work of art, since all that’s presented are realistic details.” “Oh yeah?” Stan shot back. “Then how do you explain things like UFOs and Bigfoot?” I stammered for a minute. Stan folded his arms across his chest in a smug manner. “Ok, granted, maybe it has a few magic realist touches, but it’s still ultimately realist.”
We floated into Earth’s atmosphere and arrived in the land where Stonehedge was. We looked at it for a minute like it was an exhibit in an art gallery. “I feel Stonehedge is postmodern in design and intent. Note the allegorical yet mysterious symbolism and the sleek curves and angles.” That was Tom’s input. We thought about it for a minute.
”I have to disagree,” Stan announced, head crooked slightly downward with his finger pointing upward, pacing back and forth, as if he were a detective who had just cracked an important case. “To me, Stonehedge is ultmately a pyschological thriller. It presents enough information to let the spectator put the pieces together, ala ‘The Minus Man’ and ‘Jacob’s Ladder’. My feeling is the theme of Stonehenge is truly a summation of existential anguish and angst in the face of contemporary society.”
The group looked at each other and nodded their heads. All that was, except me. “Stonehedge is, in my opinion, a work wholly embracing the principles of Dadaism. It has no meaning and comments on the useless absurdity of art and the bourgeiose society’s attempt to co-opt it.”
We all exchanged nods of agreement. With that we made our way over to the country of America, debating whether William Shakespeare cold ultimately be considered a low-brow or high-brow writer. Stan and myself argued that Shakespeare employed sexual innuendo and bawdy puns in his plays, which were meant to attract the common audience and ultimately underscored the deeper thematic context, while Tom and Theodore argued that underneath the simple plotlines, plays such as “Hamlet” and “Othello” contained universal themes of self-questioning.
The four of us stopped at an intersection of New York. We turned and looked out at a vast crowd who had gathered in a modest square, yelling and waving signs. We thought it was “The Regis and Kelly Show” that fascinated them. “Now this, this crowd, what do you think of them?” I asked everone. Theodore was the quickest to respond. “As I see it, the crowd gathered there is a transgressive work of art. You see, through their primal yelling and screaming they are attempting to escape the norms of their society.”
“No, no, no,” Tom countered, “if it was transgressive it would be against society. These people are conforming to society by praising popular entertainment. Thus, this is demonstrative of dystopian literature. Their allegiance to recognizable cultural icons is an ironic commentary on the opression of man, similar to Orwell’s ‘1984’. You could say it has Marxist undertones as well.”
”I see what Tom is saying,” Stan added, “but throw in a few zombies and I could easily envision this scenario falling under the survival horror genre. You have a mass of people in an uban setting. Obviously it would be confusing to navigate this city and I’m sure these citizens could acquire a few weapons to fend off the flesh-eaters with.”
We grew bored with the crowd of excited onlookers so we continued walking through the busy hustle of the streets of the Big Apple. Along the way we held a discussion about the symbolism of the trash cans in Samuel Beckett’s “Endgame”. Stan and Theodore claimed they represented oblivion and the mortal fate awaiting all of humankind, While Tom and myself deduced it really had no deeper context and that they were what they were. As we finished our analysis we came upon a few construction workers reconfiguring the pavement on a road. The one who drew our attention wore an orange vest and a yellow hardhat. His white and brown plaid shirt was tucked into a pair of muddied blue jeans. His grey moustache sharply contrasted with his black boots. The sound of his jackhammer against the concrete poduced a shrill, sonic dissonance.
”Grindcore is the label I would give to this noise,” Tom started. “It has a heavy, harsh sound, but if you listen closely, it has a melody to it, though it is fast-paced. The lack of other sounds places the main focus on he jackhammer’s thrashing auditory assault.” “Wrong, Tom,” Theodore cut in. “This sounds exactly like death metal to me. Grindcore is more about the tempo, whereas death metal is focused on the sound. And as you can hear, the sound the jackhammer produces is of outstanding quality.”
The man stared at us for a second as he kept at his job. A beeping could be heard; we turned our heads and saw as a bulldozer was slowly backing up. “The addition of another temp, courtesy of an electronic device, signifies this as an industrial piece. It is not music as one thinks of it, but comprised of mechancial beats using different, non-organic-sounding instruments,” I surmised. The men at the helm of both the jackhammer and he bulldozer stopped for a minute to converse with each other. The man with the jackhammer drank a bit of coffee. After he finished, he continued his work, albeit on a different part of ground, which produced a slightly different sound.
”Aha!” Stan exclaimed. “All Three of you are wrong. The different sound here signifies this is progressive. It is actually a few songs in one. Note the slight variation in pitch and time signature, as well as the inclusion of different instruments. The long pace and odd, etheral sounds harken back to prog music, in a similar vein to Pink Floyd’s ‘The Dark Side of the Moon’.”
We watched him continue for a few minutes, then moved on. As the four continued on we passed through various states like Virginia, Oklahoma, and Ohio. Finally we came to a opic we could have a heated debate about. “George Washington- now, what subculture did he belong to?” Theodore began. “In my opinion he was undeniabl a hippie. He had a disregard for fashion which is augmented by his shabby style of dress. His hair was long and he carried on an anti-establishment credo which included disdain for the church and the state. As well, his ultimate goal was the achievment of utopian ideals, an idealism which hippies embrace wholeheartedly.”
”If I had to classify George Washington, I would place him under the grunge moniker,” Tom deduced. “His careless appearance stems from his bleak depression. He was known to have a hared of crowds and to be wary of politics, a theme that often arises in alternative rock lyrics. Since they didn’t have adequate showers back then, I’m sure his hygeine wasn’t quite up to par. And while heroin wasn’t invented back then, I’m sure he was an opium addict.”
”Both of you are incorrect,” Stan interrupted. “George Washington was ultimately a punk. The so-called long hair was just a wig; in reality, he had short hair, which punks prefer. Another punk quality about him is he believed in active revolution. He saw violence and conflict as the solution to opressive social problems, which the punk culture also advocates. His appearance was messy, but more of a stylized and fashionable rebellion, which is a third feature of punk rock.” We all nodded our heads in agreement.
Soon, we grew tired of America and wandered up into the atmosphere. After hopping back and forth between clouds we settled on one we really liked and sat on it as we drifted. “So what does everyone make of this story?” I began. “I would say, at its heart, this piece of literature is an absurdist work of satire. Our exaggerated observations on everything we encounter, which ridicules the current propenisty to label and classify all works of art, is heightened by hyperbolic dialogue and diction. As well, our improbale actions, such as existing in outer space and the fact that we’re on this here cloud, lends to it an extreme disregard for the tenets of everyday existence.”
Stan smacked his lips. He was always the dissinter. “While it certainly has absurdist elements to it, this short story could also be called surrealist as well. The dreamlike elements of the narrative, such as our casual conversations about eccentric manners and the physically impossible settings and actions that you mention earlier. The events brought up are random and seemingly disjointed and do not point to a unifying theme.”
Tom jumped in. “This story involving us isn’t surrealist because if it truly were in the vein of Salvador Dali or Andre Breton, I wouldn’t speaking this sentence right now. It would be completely chaotic and subconcious and thus there wouldn’t be a story, per se. The author here seems to be writing from a romanticist perspective. True, he is less concerned with realism and the usual constraints of fiction, but only as a means of expressing pure emotion. We are not well-developed characters but rather simplified archetypes hrough which the writer expresses his views, which is line with the romanticist style. As well, there is a theme of rebellion against societal standards, especially in regards to championing the common man as opposed to our analytical snobbery.”
Once we passed over the Atlantic Ocean I suggested we leave Earth and go back into space. As we toured across the galaxy we found a new model to classify: the universe itself. “The cosmos are, once and for all, belonging to the mod counterculture,” Theodore chimed in. “All of creation is intensly structured and stylized, mirroring the mod’s preoccuptaion with manner and dress. At times, this meticulousness seems to carry on a tone of ironic whimsy, considering the amount of tragedy and suffering contained here in the galaxies.”
Tom offered up his theory. “I would say the universe is emo. While it is concerned primarily with appearance, this underscores a sense of dramatic pain and suffering. Everything is inherently internalized and histrionic in its angst. Notice the majority of people cry when confronted with evil. The whole universe is organized around a tight time-space continum—-much like emo apparel is tight.”
Stan stepped in the middle and made his announcement. “The universe is not so much emo but more gothic. Look all around you—space is completely black. As you all know, dark clothing is a fixture of the gothic culture. The universe offers no answers to our questions and gives off an aura of enigmatic mysteriousness, which is more of a central focus of the goth style.”
We all nodded our heads in agreement.
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vincecrisis reviewed Version 1 -
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CourtshipLives reviewed Version 1 -
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this is awesome. i am favoriting this, which i rarely do. i love how the whole story is about making fun of how society has a propensity to degrade things by labeling and categorizing to no end. some people my say its biased because the only real country u stopped in was america. but regardless. even the way the story makes fun of itself in this metaphysical way is amusing. this very similar to a one act play i am doing at school called “the whole shebang” only that is about the idea of the universe as an alien college student’s science fair project. you should check it out. u have a couple typos in there, but thats beside the point that this is a great little story. it could help broaden people’s outlooks on this idea of dichotomizing art and everything else. awesome.
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ganymede56 reviewed Version 1 -
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This was an excellent piece of meta fiction. I enjoyed it a lot. There isn’t so much a story here, but it’s still a really interesting read. It lacks plot, it lacks character motivation, it lacks a throughline, but I still enjoyed it a lot. Goes to show that there doesn’t necessarily need to be traditional elements of a story to entertain.
Rhonda9080 reviewed Version 1 -
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Oh my God! This piece is the bomb! The Theater-of-Absurd style (my favorite) could not have been done better! (Not even by Vonnegut—and I would not say that lightly).
Completely “10” in my humble opinion--especially for the analysis of George Washington--which I am stull pondering as I write this, and which has caused a family argument (all musicians w/love of politics and history. We are leaning toward Tom…)
Point being—this piece was good enough to read aloud, and prompted thought and discussion (as well as a few laughs).
OMG, I loved this: Dali/Breton, I wouldn’t speaking this sentence right now. It would be completely chaotic and subconcious…
**On universe--must go with Tom again--definitely Emo…
This is a work of art! I don’t know if its a little too long and (and in-depth) for flash fiction (more like a short story) but it is truly one of the best things I’ve ever read on Urbis!
The ending might have lacked a little punch after all the truly genius build-up. (You are an f*&^ing genius!) Maybe this was because you were trying to fit length for flash? Heck, go with S/S if you can tweak the ending a little more.
My only tiny little “critique”. Don’t even feel worthy to “critique”.
Just bowing…
I think this should be published.
Immediately.
Typo alerts:
Washington cold/could
preoccuptaion/preoccupation
SlalexMonstar reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed this piece on a whole, but I would revise it carefully and do a re-write. There are multiple spelling and clerical errors. I personally wanted a little explanation on who the four characters were. Could the “regular” people see them or not? It has potential, but it needs some serious polishing. I can see that you are learned though and have a talent, just hone it and it could work very well for you.
boniface11 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very creative, but if it is to be flash fiction, it is my understanding that it should be no more than 1000 words. Therefore, you need to cut a few things out.
I gave you a 7 for talent because I think you could turn it into a great short story.
I would change the venue. Why do people from other planets always visit New York? I think that is overdone. Have them go somewhere most people have not heard of, maybe a small town.
Miss_N reviewed Version 1 -
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This piece has many interesting themes and ideas but is overtly didactic. Exploring your opinions in prose rather than dialogue could be make it a lot more engaging. However, you obviously have a talent for expressing interesting opinions and ideas, I’d just like to read them expressed with more poetry.
music1358 reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s not bad. The conceit is quite amusing in a existential way, with the juxtaposition of post-structuralism and pop references giving it added piquancy. I think you need to make the individual characters a little less interchangeable and more strongly differentiated. Make one the arty type, one the Derrida type, one the iconoclast and one the sensitive type. Also if they could do a Duchamp somewhere in there that would be neat.
loveandrockets28 reviewed Version 1 -
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what a refreshing change! i’ve never thought about trying to classify earth but it males sense, (especilly to artists since we are always asked to classify our work). great job!
natalie272 reviewed Version 1 -
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Oh to escape one label and be placed into another. To understand something we need it to be categorized. I love the overall tone you have developed through the narrative that was both ironic and satirical. And i love the work’s self-referentiality and this sentence made me laugh out loud ‘The whole universe is organized around a tight time-space continum—-much like emo apparel is tight.’
Absolutely Fantastic.
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