Lyrics / Like A Diamond (Analysis)

Line 3  ”When you are always” use “you’re”.  After “top of my thoughts” maybe some angst with ,”like the best looking down”.  
Line 4  ”Reason ‘of’ a rabid dog”, may sound more fluid.  Cool four lines, original ideas on your behalf.  ”I’m looking down, With your calm, cool demeanor,,,of a rabid dog.” is also a possibility?

Line 5 has great tempo, rhyme, and originality.  
Line 7 “Souls like coal” works well with diamonds.  Great lyrical quality.

Suggest on stanza 2 “When the ring of the tree, grows everyday, more can be seen” since diamond=ring?

S2 Line 5  Great lyrics to me have geographical references, this one flows right in.

I like the ‘gypsy’ references, the traveling aspect, maybe a little blues music behind it?  Good job, give it more.

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November 13, 2008

by jubaljam

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28	100.0% (13 votes)	24.1%

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29	M	United States	November 20

you’re always so insightful and constructive. I really appreciate the thought you put into your reviews. it means a lot coming from you. when it comes time for the definitive version your suggestions will play a part.

jubal

November 13, 2008

by B_HDouglas

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44	M	Arlington, VA	November 21

It is an honor Jubal!  May your originality continue shining through.

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I really loved your lyrics. It actually brought out some emotion, and those are the only types of songs I like. My favorite line was “You don’t really believe free of you I could ever be” reminds me of another song I love, the way I sing it in my head that is.

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November 05, 2008

by jubaljam

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28	100.0% (13 votes)	24.1%

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29	M	United States	November 20

Always encouraging to hear a simple ‘I liked it’.

thank you

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I think this would really benifit from more structure. Currently I find it difficult to read and difficult to see as a song. Perhaps if you separated the lines and verses a little more carefully it would flow better, as it stands it seems a lot more like a poem to me.

The line, “Thinking that eventually and history could be influenced by suffering” confuses me a bit. Are you saying that both the future and the past can be influenced? It is quite an interresting line.

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August 28, 2008

by jubaljam

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28	100.0% (13 votes)	24.1%

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29	M	United States	November 20

Thanks for the review. You’re right about it now flowing well on paper. That is one of the limitations of submitting lyrics without being able to hear the song itself.

I always really liked that line. I am saying that both the past and future are influenced by suffering. The past, no matter how sweet and the future, no matter how bright can be tarnished forever by carelessness.

Thanks again,
jubal

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I would love to hear this on the radio! Already a good piece, I think with a little tweaking it could be even better.  In the first verse you say “Someday like a diamond it’ll shine”, but then in the second, you switch to “Someday like a diamons gonna shine” – I think this would work better if in both verses you said “Someday like a diamond it’ll shine”. Thanks for sharing!

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June 07, 2008

by jubaljam

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29	M	United States	November 20

Thank you for the stroking of ego. The inconsistency is a typo. Or indecision. I’m not sure. Your right though. It’ll shine is better. Please, though, if it is ever on the radio and there is no college or pirate attached dismiss it as I have probably sold out for money. Which I will if I ever have the chance. That doesn’t mean you should support it though. Sorry, kinda strung.

jubal

June 07, 2008

by firemaidenphoenix

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24	F	Waycross, GA	June 12

So, a lyricist caught in the paradox of wanting to be published but not wanting to sell out?  What are the odds? As to the charge of ego-stroking, I promise you, if I didn’t like it, I would have been polite, but not complimentary.

June 07, 2008

by jubaljam

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29	M	United States	November 20

i was being offhanded and i apologize if I offended you. I appreciate your time and honesty. Like I said, I’m strung out and sometimes the keyboard gets away from me.

jubal

June 08, 2008

by firemaidenphoenix

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24	F	Waycross, GA	June 12

Ha! I wasn’t offended, just reiterating my sincerity….

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I like it.  It strikes me as a bit depressing, but the imagery overall comes across very well and almost hopeful.  Thanks for sharing!

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May 30, 2008

by jubaljam

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29	M	United States	November 20

thanks. it is probably depressing. you know whats funny about all of this? everything I have posted so far was all written between 2-3 years ago when i was depressed, strung out, self-destructive and consumed. now I’m fine. lol. not really. I am not the same person that wrote this though. Though it was hopeful I found that what ended up brining me around wasn’t what I wanted in the song, it was what I needed. Time.

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First of all, a small issue that really doesn’t have anything to do with the lyrics themselves: your line spacing is off, so it’s a bit jarring to read. If you’re going to rhyme each line, you should start a new one after the rhyming word. If it was poetry, then it would be up to you, but since lyrics are meant to be sung, how they are written is really just a formality, so you have no reason to not make it as easy as possible.

Anyway, back to the actual song. I found the central simile very generic and not memorable at all; diamonds in general, and even the coal-to-diamond thing in particular, are overdone in songs. If you are going to have the song hinge around one concept like that, make sure it’s a strong one.

Also, don’t force a rhyme. The line “You don’t really believe free of you I could ever be” is a good example of a place where it would have been better to either change the meaning of the line to avoid the awkward phrasing or just stop rhyming altogether. Rhyme should always be secondary to meaning.

Overall, decent, but could use some polish.

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May 27, 2008

by jubaljam

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29	M	United States	November 20

In response to your views I would like to mention that at no point was I rhyming except by happenstance.

I understand that the whole “Diamond” theme has been done before but as a music buff I can think of no expample of the “Coal to Diamond” theme being used. Do you have any examples?

Your review was appreciated although I don’t feel like it was very thought out. In the future when you claim that a theme has been done, cite expamples. Also, if you are going to be negative except for a sentence at the end of your review please be kind enough to workshop and provide follow-up.

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hi there,

i like it but it needs a bridge between the two verse for a change lryically and musically…and to make it more memorable and easier to sing you should add ryhmes to it in a consisent ryhming pattern in the verses…in general..nice job,,jim

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May 27, 2008

by jubaljam

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28	100.0% (13 votes)	24.1%

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29	M	United States	November 20

Thanks for checking it out. I know its tough to review music without hearing it sung.

jub

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