No problem, the sea is like a cat, one moment lovy dovy the next scratch your eyes out. Thats what I tryed too convey. Thank you.
Poetry / The Quiet Sea
Quietly I walk along the sea outside my door
Seeing the many changes in the rolling waves
The high peaks and the low
The broiling and the slow
The angry and the teasing
The hurricane and the still.
I have seen them all and yet,
Still I`m drawn to the deep blue sea.
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Blue_Eyes reviewed Version 1 -
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Walking along the sea
beyond my door,
I see many changes.
The high and lows
of the rolling waves.
The quiet calm,
or the slow, angry teasing
of a hurricane.
I see it all,
yet I`m still drawn
to the unsteady sea.
These are my suggestions. I hope that you find them useful. I love the water as well. My family and I always spend part of the summer on the ocean in Maine. Just beautiful. :)
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JPWatt reviewed Version 1 -
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I Enjoyed it, but I felt like there could have been a little bit more to add to this. You could still end it with the same line, but maybe add a little more in the middle somewhere, then again maybe not, it’s your piece. I enjoyed it.
dpak reviewed Version 1 -
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I felt that it didn’t really evoke the “many moods of the sea” in any special way. Yes it mentioned a few obvious features; “rolling waves” “hurricane and the still,” but it – excuse the pun – barely scraped the surface. You didn’t conjure up an image based on special experience, you relied on the reader’s general knowledge. I needed to FEEL the sea wind against my face, to HEAR the crashing waves, to SEE the dark clouds of the squall gathering on the horizon. Yet none of these things happened.
What you have written is a good starting point. But I would advise that you go over it, re-work it and really bring out what is there – make the reader EXPERIENCE the sea as if (s)he is actually standing on the seashore or on a boat.
oknapp reviewed Version 1 -
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I am not sure if the wuiet sea is a good title. You show the sea in many phases. The broiling and slow. may i suggest some helping words. I list some before i write anything,
The sea crashing over rocks-the cool spray of the sea-the gentle rise and fall of the sea-the gentle waves lapping at the shore- The water caressing the sand.
The cornflower blue sky-the cry of seagulls, the cotten-candy clouds, Do you think these might help you depict the sea better? i HOPE YOU DON’T MIND THE SUGGESTIONS. I like the poem but feel it needs a few more descriptions ok. Respectfully Sandi K.
Tawny reviewed Version 1 -
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Hell yeah i’ll give this poem a ten. You’ve put in words the majestic pull some of us have to the sea. Its awesome vastness. I like how you say its about the moods of the sea in your notes. You write about it as if it were a lover.
Sweettouch reviewed Version 1 -
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Me too! I do not like the use of the word broiling here and am not sure that is exactly what you mean – maybe boiling is better. Still I think another word would be more suited.
This is a short sweet look at the sea.
Baptizer99 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a nice reflection on a life spent by the sea. It seems very contemplative, almost like a mantra. I enjoyed it.
youngwriter92 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is one of the best poems that i’ve read so far. I think that you did really good.
Miscast reviewed Version 1 -
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I love this… it has the quality of the circle of life, and you can see that clearly in the paradoxes. I love how the speaker makes a complete 360 degree turn back into the sea… as if they realize that they haven’t come very far from where they left off.
My only problem… is with the period after “still.” I feel like throwing a period in there creates a barrier where everything should be fluid. I enjoyed, otherwise!
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