Thank you. But this one was actually the first version. I did a new version checking the mistakes i could find. And i changed the name to Put your guns away
Lyrics / Now you should know (Analysis)
I found a girl she was looking very sad
Cus her mum and dad got blown up in bagdad
I saw her patiently looking through the trash
Maybe hoping for a little bit of cash
I found crack fenes fighting over a crackpipe
one got enough so he pulled out his knife
He won the fight but then lost his short life
Now people tell me wasd that really worth the figh?
I found a boy he was sleeping on the street
Nothing to eat and he had nothing on his feet
I found a man so obsessed with his greed
Spent millions to kill while having a nation to feed
Now you should know
Why im crying every night
Praying every single night
When will we grow?
Stop the childishness i say
Put your guns away
All these pictures in mymind of people crying
And everywhere i look theres always someone dying
It kills my soul cus were destroying our own
This only proves that we will never be fullgrown
Can someone please hold my hand cus im so scared
With all these questions just repeating in my head.
Why do we hate i gave up asking the above
Cus hate is just as unexplainable as love.
Now you should know
Why im crying every night
Praying every single night
When will we grow
Stop the childishness i say
Put your guns away
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joyelm reviewed Version 1 -
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I think this piece has the possibility of more expression…
your expression in it is great and very clear, it could almost be lyrics to a song.
I find some of the grammer off but overall you have a lot to say in such short poetry…
Nice work!
Great level of compassion!
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thearcher reviewed Version 1 -
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Although your heart seems to be in the right place, this is very simplistic. Also, you have several misspelled words and I needs to be caitalized. You can’t jump from four stanza to two without interupting the flow. Use your spell checker before submitting.
vickiebellew reviewed Version 1 -
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Check your punctuation. and there’s a few misspellings Your work is very good and you ask questions that the best of minds can’t answer. But your faith and prayer will help you in all things. Beleive in yourself and don’t let others make you doubt your talent. Keep writing we need minds like yours..Well done!!!!Vickie
Don_Giovanni reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked the message…just know that you don’t have to try so hard to rhyme all of the words….
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