Poetry / The Chosen (Analysis)

I can tell that you have a feel for poetry, but this poem needs more from you. It needs more than the simplicity that you are offering, one that would work very well with another poem, and which I also like, but not in this case.

The I could be could be the person the baby is talking to, and it could not, because it isn’t speciefied whom the baby talks to. We, as readers are going to assume that the baby is talking to you, and then we wonder why your reaction seems so collected and logical? I, as a reader, will in this case start thinking that you are being poetic just because you are writing a poem, this needs emotion, raw emotion. If it doesn’t, then I guess it is more of an ode to the greatness of God, to whom the speaker in the poem is bowing, accepting his will. The problem for me with that, is first that it’s been done som many times, and second that it seems too disconnected from the baby. It becomes redundant. I can tell that you have an ear for poetry, challenge yourself.

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June 05, 2008

by Engineering_poet

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	75.0% (12 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
22	M	India	August 16

its the best catch 22 that I have ever been in. I really understand what you are talking about. Infact one more author also gave the same suggestion. Some more emotion is  needed…reader wants more. As a reader even I feel the same…but problem is that I cant describe the pain that the lady goes through. I mean there are just no words to describe the feeling. A few authors have told that poem is short and hence effective and touching…I will go through all the comments and do brainstorming, and take the final call as to what step to take..I really like your reviews…though the credits that I need to get those reviews are a bit high..lol..Thanks..

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So very few words to have such a powerful ‘message’!!  Very impressive-the writing.  The few words told me of someone’s world completely crumbling around them, with a comforting message.  ’He needs me more than you do…’  Wow.  Keep writing, you appear to have a talent.

Thanks for the read.  Very few peices can be this short and this emotional both.

I know this piece was written in pain. but tell us about the chosen. How special she was. Why she was too good for this world.  good luck with all you do.

This was hauntingly touching. I can’t put my finger on it, but this moved me. There is a sincerity and a beauty in these lines. I imagine her speaking as light is creeping in through the windows. You captured a purity that is rarely seen. Amazing work.

very moving, but so much more could be added. let us feel the mother’s anguish more

I have to say that I did not like this poem at all.  Rather than using your words to discuss the true grief that the parent who loses a child feels, you fall back on the cliche excuse that the religious use to explain the unexcusable: god needs this child.

If you want the reader to actually agree with this statement, you’ll need to sell it.  You need to explain why a god would “need” the life of an infant.

Describing the short life of the infant as “two long days” did seem particularly effective to me.

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May 25, 2008

by Engineering_poet

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	75.0% (12 votes)	100.0%

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22	M	India	August 16

Thakn you for the honest feedback; I will do some brainstorming and see if I want to work on the poem
and use your ideas.  

May 25, 2008

by metaphoricalsimile

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
700	85.9% (404 votes)	45.6%

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29	M	Portland, OR	November 21

No problem.  I actually rated this fairly high in the “publishable” category, because your use of language is skilled and I think there is a market for religious-oriented poetry.  When writing poetry I often want to take short-cuts, so when I see others doing it I notice it easily.  If you’re writing well, the reader will be glad to go along with you, so don’t skimp on the words.

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A good first draft, but I feel it needs more – the impact is good, and the emotional strength is stellar.

I dont believe there can be critique for poetry. because poem is art. its expressing yourself. there is no right or wrong way in writing it OR reading it.

And i think you did this beautifully. Its a sad poem.. And i could feel it.

Beautiful.

Sad but slightly cliche. I don’t go for the whole monotheistic crap. Sorry.