Poetry / Lie (Analysis)

That very Nice Piece of work !

Is this poetic just because it is a poem or because you feel that the rhyme serves a purpose in promoting the emotion or thought that you are portraying here? Start with that question.

End-rhymes, mostly direct ones, but also slant ones to a certain extent, can kill a poem that adresses something serious, as they add a lightness, a melodious echo. I don’t think that your subject needs that, so I suggest you get rid of the rhyme, and then see what you think of it.

hope that helps.

Overall, I think it’s pretty good. I enjoyed the theme and the images you used in this poem to describe the effects of a lie. Plus, I think this is a realistic description of a lie, and how it would effect a person in a bad way.

However, I did have an issue with the first line of the last couplet: “How much ever the guilty may cry.”  The structure of this sentence resembles a question. So maybe you should write: “No matter how much the guilty may cry,”

Besides that, though, it’s a nice poem.

While a good point was made and the poem has a good backbone, I feel that it is missing something.  Or that I am missing something.  I can’t put my finger on it, but perhaps embelishing on the emotions that are laid out before us would help this to become a more moving piece.  It is well written, but seems a bit stiff—as if you are holding back.  Let it all go.

I liked the way you ended similarly to your beginning. I think thats a useful technique to use when writing poetry as it reinstates the message being put forward.

I found the constant rhyme a little annoying and hard to look past, but otherwise it was a poem with a good meaning, not clich or otherwise.

Hope this review helps.

Your work has nice rythem and tells it like it is Short straight and to the point. I like that. Good job..

the use of your words are amazing, I feel connected to this work somehow because of its common voice in human life.  You have a lot of talent with words and the depth of the use of them…

i would lose all ands and the’s it will flow much better

You’re poetry is outstanding. It expreses honesty, in a very blunt manner. Furthermore, you remind me of a lot of the writer’s I have come to know, but you still managed to bring originality to the table. Like all writers, your poetry resembles your outlook on life, and more specifically on a teenage point of view. I do, however, hope that your writings do not only show hopelessness, but also cause inpsiration. Your frank tone is almost too inhumane. Other than this, you did a fine job.