I should have clarified – my school’s super small, so a lot of the nerd descriptions are specific to the ones in our school that I spend time with; in this way, everybody related to them. They’re also famous for their lack of realization of others’ personal space. But you are welcome :). I posted this because I wanted SOME criticism – we didn’t get ANY from the judges. It was fairly disappointing.
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Humor/Satire / Nerds: I'm Not Talking About Miniscule Candy (Analysis)
There you sit, innocently awaiting yet another Ruggles essay. Just look at your shining, eager faces and your patient smiles! So young, so naïve, so pure! Little do you know you are surrounded by something… unnatural. They lurk in this very room and they are taking over. Who are they, you ask? Nerds. Nerds, freaks, geeks, dorks, techies – they are everywhere, standing out in the crowd of lemmings like neon signs.
A good teenage movie is not a good teenage movie without a high-quality nerd. For example; Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club, Eric Stoltz in Some Kind Of Wonderful, Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite, and last but not least, Michael Cera in the television series Arrested Development and the movies Superbad and Juno. We, as the viewers, love them dearly. We watch these classic films repetitively, laughing and crying with geeks we wish we knew in real life.
Here is a newsflash that will thoroughly boggle your little teenage mind – you know nerds in real life! They’re right here in Cooperstown, scattered throughout these hallowed halls of learning. Unstereotypical (though they relish a rousing game of Halo 3), they are athletic, due to Ultimate Frisbee. Their knowledge is fathomless. They fight to own superior pens. Literary analysis is an excellent way to spend any English period. Their favorite music spans all genres, and they enjoy singing, whether it is Bach in chorus or spreading the gift of Gunther.
Sadly, the nerds are here, and ignored. They are real, and oft-forgotten. There they are, billed as freak shows in the circus of high school. Barkers in colorful garb waving candy-striped canes call out to passersby. “The valedictorian! The computer hacker! The graphics designer! Beware their intimidating intelligence, their hi-tech skills, and their witty jokes!” My friends, before I continue any further, I have a confession to make – I’m a nerd.
Yes, I’m a nerd and I’m proud! My favorite book was written two hundred years ago. One of my favorite songs is “We Built This City On Rock And Roll” by Jefferson Starship, deemed the worst song of music history. Most of my favorite people are dead and I happen to love History Day. I nearly cried when I missed the deadline this year.
I am a nerd, and by golly, so are all my friends! The quiz team captain who speaks in accents, the theater “beast” who loves freak folk, the math and science genius with a fabulous Dominihawk, the manly-man sporting muttonchops and beautiful curls, the sailor perpetually in shorts, the Scottish Guitar Hero, the runner with monstrous eyelashes, the modern pop culture whiz, the Asian nerd with numerous minions, the import from Portugal, the senior diving champion, and the geek with fantastic artistic vision – each one of these fascinating beings is real, and no two nerds are alike.
I have grown up with these men who make the word “nerd” more complimentary than derogatory. We’ve been a cohesive unit since eighth grade, with the exception of our Portuguese pal. You may be thinking, “How sweet – these boys must be the nicest people you ever did see!” Whoopsadaisy – be careful what words you put in my mouth. One moment I’m eating lunch, I turn my head, and my lunch is gone. I play Who’s Got My Lunchbox? Seriously Guys, Give It Up!! for the rest of the period. One minute you’re standing still, admiring a gorgeous sunset, and the next minute you’re face first in the ground with a mouthful of dirt and grass. You were too good of a target to pass up. I’m not saying they’re bad people – they’re lovely people. In fact, I frequently tell them I love them, and no, I kid you not. Just beware. Keep checking over your shoulder. They have a flair for all things tricky, and they’re always looking for new test subjects.
A nerd craze is sweeping the nation in film and literature. They’re all the rage, and everyone wants one of their own. Yet everyone comes to school and passes right by our huddle of nerdiness without so much as a hello. We scare and repulse you with our erratic behavior, I can tell. I don’t blame you – we are just as bizarre as we seem. They scare me on occasion. Anyway, we’ll probably give you culture shock. Stay with the friends you have and keep telling yourself you’d play War Games with Matthew Broderick any day. But don’t sleep – we will conquer the world.
You know what, Anthony Michael Hall can keep hounding Molly Ringwald. Jon Heder can continue throwing ham at Tina. Even Michael Cera, nerd king in the present time, can keep crushing on his cousin Maeby. I don’t need celebrity nerds; all of my spectacular nerds are right here, some on this stage, red with embarrassment.
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Sinner26 reviewed Version 1 -
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maybeimkansas reviewed Version 1 -
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learnedhand reviewed Version 1 -
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jenbabe4198 reviewed Version 1 -
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For the hell of it, I’m sure you could add more to this piece to make it even more entertaining. For example, define the different kinds of nerds (your friends), tell us what they like, what they don’t like, how they dress, how they act. You say no two nerds are alike, so point out their differences, yet tell us what unifies them…that is if you feel like continuing with this piece.
Also, I enjoyed the lines “A nerd craze is sweeping the nation in film and literature. They’re all the rage, and everyone wants one of their own.” Those are definate keepers.
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DCAllen reviewed Version 1 -
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Very enjoyable. Lots of laughs. A grand tribute to nerds.
I laughed at “We built this City . . .” Nice line.
Proofreading notes:
Sadly, the nerds are here, and ignored. (Should read: The nerds are here but sadly ignored. But then if they are billed as freak shows, how can they be ignored at the same time?)
“I’m not saying they’re bad people . . .” Who exactly are these people. This could be fleshed out briefly in this paragraph.
hypatia reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you should try and get this published. It is so current and breaks boundaries. My daughter in the UK was bullied for being super smart. She was graded as being 9 years ahead of her class. She left school early with no qualifications because of this problem. You have a great talent, a super sense of humor. You could really make a difference in the world. Humor breaks boundaries and increases awareness. Kudos to you AAAAAAAA++++++++
LUFCRACE reviewed Version 1 -
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I got two thirds of the way through this before I stopped, I’m really not sure where it is going, and while I am mildly interested I’m not that interested. I suspect this is more because I’m English, and don’t connect easily with many of the similies, because I actually would rank myself among said geeks, if I was totally honest.
I didn’t find it very amusing, but again this could be due to cultural differences.
But the style and idea is a good one, and I can’t find anything wrong technically.
Grizzlito reviewed Version 1 -
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The language is great—you have the comic timing and the details down, that’s for sure. I’m just concerned of the overall structure and theme—your focus on nerds is nothing new. This cultural phenomenon of the “rise of the nerd” has been noted by all the rags like Enterainment Weekly for some time. Do you have anything to add to the social commentary? The piece seems to ramble, due mostly to the fact that it doesn’t have a clear thesis. I don’t mean to get all English teacher on you, but you need to have an original point that you’re making about nerdom in order for me to be wowed by the essay and not by its potential for humorous delivery alone. Answer the question: “So what?” What should nerd and non-nerd alike DO, how should your audience FEEL, after listening to this speech and/or reading this essay, besides noting that nerds are ubiquitous in our society? I don’t think you have an understanding of this, and so the writing, while brillaint, lags as a result.
trav8434 reviewed Version 1 -
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Really this is fantastic writing for a high schooler. Maybe another virtue of being a nerd is a good set of writing skills…
I didn’t understand exactly what you were saying about the bullying – is it nerd-on-nerd hazing, bully-on-nerd hazing?
All in all, i don’t think you said very much, though what you said was entertaining. Maybe explore what exactly makes one a nerd (in the paragraph where you list all the nerds – why are some of them nerds, not jocks, or goths, etc.?)
Thanks for the insight into today’s nerd culture. Nice to get an update on the changing face of high school.
Travis
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