Poetry / No Faerietales or Happy Endings (Analysis)

The first and last lines of the first stanza do well to put this in the frame of a high school girl.  With the unsureness, and ‘hiding’ that is so typical.  Good effect.

But overall, though still a love poem, it was moving and had its share of emotion and truth.  You are not the only one who feels a bit crazy and underserving of the person whose heart you were blessed to win.  ’I’m not good enough’ ‘I don’t deserve’ ‘he will find a ‘normal, sweet’ girl some day’ and, cliched to death, but still a daily problem for so many who cannot accept love unto themselves ‘why me?’  These things will destroy you mentally and physically and you did well to convey your message.

This poetry is beautiful.  You have the right to feel hurt. The syntax that you give is great, awesome.  There will be others.  You caught this reader`s attention and held it from the beginning.  Thank you.    

This is poem is sticky sweet, so much so in fact that it is still sticking to the roof of my mouth. Which is what you intended. I think you should play that up more, really take it over the top so the whole thing really gets in peoples face as emotions often do.

“You keep holding on, though I’m falling apart
Can you not see what this does to my heart?
More amazing then dreams, because I know that it’s true
Pinning each day, for a chance to see you”

This sound like an eighties love song you should push that farther I think

Teenage angst and love for the first time. You skillfully wedded the physical and emotional aspects of what people feel towards another when they are in love.

“No Faerietales or Happy Endings” is an appropriate title showing the writer is emotionally mature enough to recognize that not all relationships succeed.

it definitly has some possibilities.  The words seem to match emotion which is clear!

Poems written from emotion especially when the feeling is current tend to either explode with joy or fall flatly. There are moments of both here. I felt that at times you forced the words    Forever only curses, nothing can stand that test of time
But for this brief period together, I’m so glad that you’re mine (Sounds like you are in a relationship that you have predetermined will fail and how does one truly open themselves up to the possibilities of love if they are either a pessimist or so guarded?)
So much for clichés and happy endings, I can’t help how I am
This poem, my proof, I only do what I can  (this just really fell flat for me no imagery and the words seemed forced and the same for the following)

Realistic to a flaw, critical of myself
Never stopping to think of what my thoughts do to my health
You pull me together; give me a reason to care
I know how much pain it would cause you, if I were no longer there

example  

I think this is a beautiful poem! It makes me want to know more about you. Why do you feel broken? What other choice do you have in terms of your life? Are you destructive to yourself, and why? Do you feel like your boyfriend saves you?
I always think poetry is especially difficult to review or critique because it is so personal and it does not always allow for more examples, but give it a shot. I think you may find you have many poems within this one.

Another piece of advice…sometimes I feel like rhyming limits us. A poem does not necessarily have to rhyme in order to evoke emotion. Sometimes it’s more powerful when it doesn’t.

All in all, I loved it:)

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May 25, 2008

by LostXForgotten

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Thanks so much =]
It was my goal to make people think about why I was saying certain things, i’m glad that it worked.

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