Poetry / Go, Figure! (Analysis)

I would have loved to see you extend the idea of your fingertips desiring contact with skin into the next line.  I really enjoyed the image, though.  I also really enjoyed the idea of mindless melodies and reality standing still for a while while in the early ecstasy of relationships.  I think this is a good jump start on a poem, I think  you might want to rethink some of your phrasings, because they were a bit odd, for example: standing ten feet in distance from me—it is just slightly redundant.  Overall I think this is a pretty good effort.

This sounded like a beautiful song I’ve heard before, but not really… ? Sounds confusing, I know, but it just sounds like it should be sung by some angel… One of the best poems I’ve read in a long time. It’s awesome. Don’t change a thing! :)

Parthenon’s architecture
I would change this to just Parthenon.  getting rid of architecture.  this word weighed down the piece for me.  Besides that, and inspite of that, i really do love this piece.

Not much of a reviewer on this end but I really like your poem here.  The lines towards the end though does not hit me well.  I thought it began as wonderfully as it did but it ended so quick and so soon with simple context that I need you to rewrite it.  With this time, using a choice of words that may equal those you used in your creation from the beginning.

“A wound was made last night
When you let something slip
That made my chest feel so tight”

My suggestion:

“But my heart bled profusely last night
After your unfair tongue-slip
That pierced mine chest so tight.”

You see how I made it a bit complex with the new choice of words?  I don’t want you though to follow my suggestion but I do need you to open your heart and let loose that virtuoso hiding inside of you.  Come on now, lose yourself!  Turn off the lights, put on some bittersweet music, and write! write! write!
  

I know how hard it is to break out of writers block, so, well done for your start out.

The poem starts with the image of an “ugly hidden face” or hidden quality to this person. That was an intriguing idea, but the whole concept of this seemed to fizzle out around the sixth line. Maybe a further reference to this later in the poem would help to hold the poem together.

The ending is quite musical and mystical in language, “melody,” “fantasy,” “ecstasy.” This doesn’t seem to link in with the tone and language of the latter half of the write, which makes it appear you’ve stuck two pieces of different qualities together. Maybe rewording somewhere in the poem could balance this out.

Another issue which confused me was the “wound was made last night,” how? where? why? Some expansion on this could be beneficial.

What I did enjoy was the alliterative phrase “a mindless melody” and the comparison to “Parthenon’s architecture,” this gave it a sense of reality.

Overall, I think all the basic elements are very much there, they just need editing or expanding on and this will be an interesting piece.

Thanks for sharing.

Having reviewed this piece before. I think most of my words will be repeated. Your style and interpretation are good. Yet sometimes shorterning certain phrases can bring greater clarity and/or open up more possible interpretations.
ie. “Standing ten feet in distance from me” as a sentence is incorrect and slightly confusing while say ” standing but ten feet yet distant from me” although still an ‘incorrect sentence’ opens up and clarifys the meaning of the statment. In poetry grammer can be incorrect purposefully due to the great potential of duality in the english language, utalise this and you will find your poetry becoming more intelligent and insightful the more you practise.

Keep it up!

i really liked it i guess because i know what the feeling is like this was a great poem i have nothing to critique i leave the grammar to an editor i dont pay attention to that but the writing the meaning was great keep writing your good

I only have one critique.
As the reader I walk away now wondering,
what did she slip and tell you??
This isn’t my relationship.
I don’t know you
or her….
remember the reader.

I really enjoyed the images created in this piece. However, it seemed like at some points you were trying to create a rhyme scheme but at others it was just free verse. This threw me off in the process of reading it because there was no rhythm that could be put to it. Overall, I liked it but it needs a little more revision.

It’s a pretty good poem. It portrays the ability to see beneath supposed beauty of a partner. What i understand from the poem is your partner is a woman who cheated or cheats on you, right? It flows so well too. Good job.