and thank you for the kind words in this review.
Poetry / The Waltz (Analysis)
The Waltz
Shall we dance?
Since you ask
who leads whom
in this waltz
is uncertain
May I lead?
If you please
with each beat
of my heart
keeping rhythm
We can sway
to the sound
tender words
from our lips
reassuring
We shall sail
in the wind
on the sea
of our dreams
love unfurling
We’ll take wing
in the air
leave the ground
far behind
our undoing
Let us glide
past the moon
shining bright
way on high
so alluring
Then we’ll fly
past the stars
make a wish
keep his light
ever burning.
Shall we dance?
Love begins
with these words
in a waltz
never ending
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VacuolateTuna reviewed Version 1 -
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vickiebellew reviewed Version 1 -
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What can I say??? beautiful work!! Soft leading and alluring I loved it. Makes you wish life was a waltz.
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WritingMommy reviewed Version 1 -
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I like how the rhythym sounds like a dance. It has a natural tempo that seems to match the waltz. Nice work.
I can’t think of anything to add, its very nice.
B_HDouglas reviewed Version 1 -
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I love realizing that you are the author, while the rest of us are reviewers, which is kind of a waltz by itself as you reference here. We are taking your place to review your work, thus a dance of sorts. Works well for me. It is almost perfect. I would capitalise “His Light”. The very last stanza is like the end of a dance, but you gave hope by saying “never ending”. Great reading this poem, thanks. B_HD.
johntheroman reviewed Version 1 -
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Fuckin’ superb. Loved it.
ocelott reviewed Version 1 -
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Great rhythm and a very nice flow. The images you’ve evoked here are really lovely, and the last stanza is particularly fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem.
EricDaleEubanks reviewed Version 1 -
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This wants to be sung {high praise coming from this “old theatre hound” who keeps an altar to Stephen Sondheim!!!!}.
Such delicate clean phrases, such well-chosen words—which are not serving metre and rhyme-scheme, they are serving what you want to convey.
The fact that the metre and the rhyme-scheme are also served is just gravy.
I don’t read a lot of poetry—after a lifetime of working in Shakespeare, Euripides, and-of-course Mr. Sondheim, I’m a little spoiled and find a lot of it wanting.
THIS is beautiful.
This is powerful.
KEEP WRITING, PLEASE!!!!
Best,
EDE
Beer_and_Poetry reviewed Version 1 -
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Sometimes I feel love is a waltz. I really enjoyed the imagery of this poem. i saw perhaps duel images. On one hand I saw the couple dancing….literally..in a room lights sparkling..holding eachother closely. On the other hand I saw it as the evolution of love. Starts out kind of awkward…who leads who. Kind of an uncertainty. I think this poem was a very easy read and quite enjoyable also.
I didn’t find any grammatical errors and I feel this poem is ready as is. With the duel senses I got I feel that makes this poem priceless. Kind of like a two for one deal. Who doesn’t like two for one?
TS123 reviewed Version 1 -
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Great rythm. The poem glides along as if it is itself being written to a waltz. And some of the lines are like a dream. Absolutely loved it.
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