Poetry / I'm gonna lose it
Out of control
spiraling down
Feeling so helpless
about to drown
I’m just trying to help
but all I can do
is hurt those I love
so what do I do?
so he got caught,
Is that just my fault?
or is it the fact that
he got it from me?
I thought he’d do better
to hide stuff like that
He’s done it before
and suddenly he can’t?
she doesn’t know
how guilty I am
only that she thinks
I’m somehow the problem
She thinks that it’s
my fault plans got canceled
or days got changed,
or rearranged.
The truth is, it’s not,
that’s not why I’m guilty
I gave him the blade
and didn’t take it back
If I lose him for good,
I don’t know what I’ll do
What people think
of him isn’t true.
He’s not exactly crazy
Just has a few problems
What person doesn’t?
I know I’m almost as bad.
I just learned how to hide it
at a much younger age
and deal with it in a way
that’s not outright rage….
I don’t know the story.
I’ll be lucky to ever….
All I know is I love him
and that changes never.
So baby, whatever
hell comes our way.
I’m fighting for us
like you did before.
I’m torn between right
and wrong here tonight
It’s like the right is wrong
Seems it’s been that way all along
I don’t know what happened
that day in the school.
I’d left just before
he lost his cool.
I don’t know what caused it
or if I could have stopped him.
but I should have been there
to take the fall with him.
At least then I wouldn’t
feel quite so confused.
It’s like I’m relieved
because the pressure’s removed.
But yet at the same time
I feel so angry
at him and myself
and her too, for the maybes
She left me no answers
only more questions
why are they stopping me?
don’t they know what I’ve done?
I need to atone for it
what was left un-
undone
unsaid
unheard
unfelt
un-
that little pair of letters changes everything
it takes something good and makes it bad
but can do the opposite just the same way
undo, redo, untie, retie,.......
but yet, I cannot simply yell “Redo!”
like in the park as children we do
this is quite different,
so many shades of gray
so many feelings
shambles of us….
what do I do?
What can I say?
It’s my fault, all my fault,
but yet he takes the blame
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Well, having more insight to this occurance gives me a much better understanding of what you have written. To the outside world, there may be many gray areas, many questions , especially at hte beginning. You did try to tie it together at the end. Hopefully it meshes and people understand your emotional depth with what happened… me…
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