Poetry / The Garden (Analysis)

Sometimes I wonder if the garden will plunder
My thoughts and ideas as they bloom
The torment inside me from not being able to plant
Causes the seeds to spoil.
As the potential flowers are disposed of
The gardens true beauty is lost.

Sometimes I fear that the garden will hear
My emotions then shrivel and wilt.
When Mozart plays it’s just a façade
Because the too dry tunes do not display  
The garden in all of its glory.

Its dormant originality is suppressed deep with in
Without sun or water to allow it to flourish.
Only when isolation strikes-
Can the garden become a stunning enigma

When day falls into night
And the mind drifts into alternate realities
The garden becomes an Arboretum
Nothing is too strange, too different or too exotic
To study for hours upon end

Each pedal flourishes – bright and exuberant  
Every element creates an illusory landscape
Its beauty is indescribable  
But the gardener knows deep down inside
That the garden is not ready for the unfamiliar

So she keeps to herself
Finding alternative methods to
Preserve the seeds that bloomed in her dreams

As the seeds are saved
The gardener ponders
Smiling for success in the future

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July 23, 2008

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July 01, 2008

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June 13, 2008

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My only complaint is that you probably should have kept the last three stanzas in first person, like the rest of the piece. It caused the ending to be somewhat distant in my opinion, which takes away from its message. Otherwise, it was an excellent piece.

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June 13, 2008

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June 09, 2008

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June 07, 2008

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June 06, 2008

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June 06, 2008

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I’ve read it twice and, as extended metaphor, it both works and doesn’t work. I know that the garden is seen through the eyes of the narrator (gardener) or at least an observer who to some degree understands the gardener.  But I’m not quite sure what the garden represents.  The good news is that I don’t really have to understand to enjoy the imagery and pleasant tone of the poem nor do I have to work too hard to access the hopeful three lines at the ending.  

On a critical note, in almost every verse there is at least one, sometimes more, lines where the meter is strained and the line stands out--not in a good way--among the others.  For instance, “The torment inside me from not being able to plant” or “Nothing is too strange, too different or too exotic” among others.  A few spelling or word use issues such as “with in” is “within” and I’m not sure about the strange accent mark on “facade”.  

The first two verses each begin with an internally ryhmed line that set a pattern then are abandoned. “Sometimes I wonder if the garden will plunder”
and “Sometimes I fear that the garden will hear”.  
This weakens the poem and, if you do decide to fix it, you should probably do away with the rhyme rather than try to re-establish the pattern.  Anyway, I wish you luck with it.  You have some good stuff here.  
  

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Taylormichelleo avatar

Taylormichelleo

Age: 18
Loc: Orlando, FL
Gen: F
Last Login: June 15
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