Short Story / Love is (Analysis)

Your voice is wonderfully expressive, and choice of words poiniant, but they feel to me to be lacking coalescence- something that brings it all together and molds everythin into a solid idea. I would work with it a little more add perhaps some details such as places, friends reactions, ore even family members. Some thing to tie it all together as a coherent thought. It may be that you were going for chaotic as love can and usually is exactly that, however I would simply say that ideas can be both chaotic and cohesive. Just a thought. Good luck and I would definately like to see a new version.

Love is always being sorry?? No it’s not!
in the line sunflower fields, “feilds” is spelled wrong. Eskimo is spelled wrong. I like the flow of this overall, but you need to do something with the grammar and spelling.  Fix the spelling and you’ll be a-ok.  I think you have a good thing going here.  I’d even venture to make it a bit longer maybe.  That’s really something to think about.  It’s not necessary, but I’m curious as to what else will come out here.  At least “love” is not all puppies and kittens. Blech!

If many of these lines were utilized to create either a short story or poem, you have a few starts. All i take from this are a list of possible ideas for a story or a few poems. Keep trying please…

First a few words about your ranking criteria:
Publishable Short Story enough here to be considered “publishable”. Actually there are so many fragmented ideas here that I can not even get a clear image of where you are going with it. Narrow it down, your story will come after you weed out some of the clutter.

Publishable-a book of my own writings is the only piece of yours I have read. I can not say a book of your writing would be good or bad.

“Short Story-Overall” Rank:1  reason:Again, too many fragmented ideas, not enough story.

I say you should play around with one or two (three at the absolute most) of your ideas and see where it gets you. Maybe take a person (let’s call her Liz) and see where one of your lines gets her.

Get some books that have writing exercises in them, and use this piece as your basis for those exercises. See what happens.

This can’t be considered the beginning of a short story as it doesn’t have any structure. No sentences, paragraphs, details or anything. These are just words, a list at best. Put some thoughts together with these words and we can give you a better review for your ideas.Thinking of a story is the first step, so now you need to put into some kind of structure.