Poetry / The Sea and Breeze at Ease (Analysis)

I think this poem is wonderful…it brought a smile to my face when I finished reading it..and as I read it I wanted to continue to read it.  I would only try to eliminate words that may not be necessary to the overall meaning you are trying to convey.  Unnecessary words detract and disturb.  You can even make a longer poem that is interesting but without using unnecessary words…for example,

That the sky above is truly sad….

“That” is not necessary…many times people use words such as that, the, other words either repetitively or by unnecessarily inserting them.  
One other example…
Reflects off the oceans surface…”off” is unnecessary because with the use of reflect it is understood…

Oh- beautiful. I love the personification of nature in this poem. I love also that it is not too long- is gets the point across without having to use alot of words or big words. The only thing that I would do to make the poem flow better and add more ease to the reading would be to add puntuation. Not all poems need punctuation, but I think this one needs it, just to separate one idea from another. Just a few commas here and there would do the trick. For instance, I would put a comma between “The sea sat still once more” and  ”And instead of fighting the breeze above”.  That is just what I think though, as you may have your reasons for keeping the poem punctuation-free. Also, I would uncapitalize some of the beginning words of lines, particularly when one idea or sentence is split up into two lines, such as “Because ever so often it trickles down/ Unsalted tears from the clouds above”.  Again, it is just my opinion that it would increase the flow of the poem.    

Wow
I love the use of imagery. SkyXSea
Awesome

What a truly delightful piece.
The image created by your words almost make me feel the salt tang the one experiences “au bord de la mer”
Thanks for requesting a review, it was a pleasure to read this
A

“The Sea and Breeze at Ease” is a wonderful poem.  It is similar to a partnership how the `breeze dances lightly over the smooth rippling waves`.  This dance is how the ocean is often seen.  What a delight in reading this prose.  You use just the right words to tell of the marriage of the winds to the waves.  Thank you for making me remember.

The sky above painted blue
Reflects off the oceans surface
Every breeze dances lightly
Over the smooth rippling waves
It laughs at the sea sitting helplessly
Your poetry reminds me a lot of my own and therefore, I have no recourse but to love it but since I have been on urbis, which hasn’t been long, I am learning a lot about my poetry.  So let me start by telling you that I would change the beginning sentence.  It is like we are coming in in the middle and nothing has been introduced to work from.  Maybe just changing the word “as” will make a big difference.

The first two sentences are connected as only the first 2 sentences but totally separate in meaning but need each other.  Look:

As the wind is free to travel
The turning of the tide fights back

Imagine in your mind the wind, free and uninhibited, then think about the tide fighting back, fighting against what?  The wind?  Gravity?  It’s a bit confusing here.  Maybe if you used a descrition of what one is free from and what one fights against, it would be better; clearer.

Tossing about in anger
Cursing the heavens for confining it so
Mocking the current it follows

Here is the answer I am seeking!  I would like to see it earlier.  I usually based my reading on the first few sentences or first paragraph and I would not have read on if I weren’t in a critique.  But that’s just me.

I love the description of the sky crying.  

There is a grand overall messae here about “getting along” and unity.  All in all it was great, I hope I helped and look forward to reading more.  Thank you for the opportunity.

^^ This was like a story with the sea and sky being characters, I really enjoyed it. I love the way you described them as dancing.
Anyway, Keep up the good work
~Sun

I’m not really sure what the point of this poem is. No offense, but I feel like I read it for nothing.  This is a critique, it is only a critique.
The personification feels like it could be the key to inserting more meaning into your poem.  It feels like I am watching this silly game being played until one of the kids realizes the other is actually sad and tries to cheer her up.  If that is the case, I think you should run with that and maybe add another stanza.
I think there is some language here that is borderlining on cliche or olde thymeish, e.g: “cursed the heavens” “confining it so” “the hidden truth” “truly sad” and by comparing rain to tears.
THis poem could probably be good if you approach it from a different point of view, but as it stands it feels like it wasn’t poorly written, but there is no point in reading it.
Again, only one critique
Good Luck

very rhythmic, like rocking on the sea in a small boat with the waves sloshing along its side. nice visuals evoked by the words; the sea sat still once more.

the sea knows the truth; that the rain becomes the sea becomes the rain.

I like how you managed to take to simple yet powerful elements of nature and let them dance together, nice concept.