Poetry / You are the sea (Analysis)

This poem is concise and interesting to say the least. I was wondering why the “you” in the poem never changed, but the “I” did? But then again the sea is fluid yet constant, nice job.

I like the idea here, and think it’s beautiful.  Some of the third and fourth lines do not feel well executed, which hurts the piece.  Additionally, having so many rankings at the bottom almost moved me to skip this piece, but I like the idea so much I decided not to.  I would remove some of them, so you do not put others off.  You only need one for publishing, and one for an agent.  
Perhaps-’in the darkest hour of night, you reflect only me’
‘with every caress, you contain more of me’
‘with every storm, you become one with me’
‘til the end of time, you’re cradled by me’  
I would consider adding another stanza, this one ‘I am the air, you are the sea’ to give it the ‘we are separate’ idea you were going for with the last stanza.  
Overall, I find this idea beautiful, and very touching.  I feel with a little bit of editing, it can be breathtaking.  

“You are the Sea” shows intricate mingling of various forces in nature.  ie, rain-sea, the way those blend is great.  This reader enjoyed the cadence of your words.  Thank you.

This rang a chord with me.  I was moved almost unexpectantly.  

To me this poem had subtle nuances that could have easily had hidden meanings.  A veritable treasure trove of goodies that make Pandora’s box green with envy.  Was that intended?  

It reeled me in like a mouse towards cheese.  

I find myself hardly able to think concrete thoughts about it, for my emotions have been stripped bare; vulnerable.  I don’t think I’m able to literally critique it, because I feel only love for it.  Perhaps even a little fear.  Is this a good thing?  I’m going to say that in it’s own right, it is too good.

Okay this is very well done too it did come across as abit cliche is some areas but still very beautiful, very romantic and sweet. Whoever your writing about lets just say that, that person makes one helleva big impression well impact on you and thats very beautiful to see a love shine through words of such grace and meaning you don’t see that much now. Not many people write like this. And if so it is very rarely seen or heard of.

Beautiful work, your writing brings out the sensitivity in me and thats good thing. Thanks for writing such beautiful poetry. Keep writing.

I liked your other poem as well I can’t quite remember what its called but I know it was yours it was called “Time” now that was absolutely beautiful too and I’m pretty sure thats your work, but thank you so much for sharing it was a pleasure reading your poem.

Amy

beautifully simple and poetic, comparing lovers to nature’s forces which define one another.  

verse 2 is perfect… the sea always finds its way deeper into the shore, with every crash of every wave.

suggestions, which you may or may not welcome.
(sprinkle) down upon you/(fall?) the poem is so mature and poetic, this word doesn’t seem to fit.

You will be (apart) of me/(a part)

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June 03, 2008

by PhantomRose

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
26	57.9% (19 votes)	33.3%

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45	F	United States	June 09

thank  you for your review :) i was thinking of lovers becoming one, slowly with time :) the Sprinkle part.

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this was really good

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June 03, 2008

by PhantomRose

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
26	57.9% (19 votes)	33.3%

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45	F	United States	June 09

thanks

June 03, 2008

by gambelin_poet

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
51	31.8% (22 votes)	88.7%

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17	M	United States	November 12

you are welcome

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Very awesome. Your connecting the elements with i fits well. The ending sums it up. This is what poetry is about. Good poetry tells a little story. I wanted to read more after the first line. I am always amazed when a writer can tell a story is just a few words. Keep up the great work. Sandi K.

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June 03, 2008

by PhantomRose

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
26	57.9% (19 votes)	33.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
45	F	United States	June 09

thank you very much

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